Monday, February 22, 2010

It's just the way it is

Yan has had a difficult time with attachment and security since I adopted her.  It was literally a year after she came home before she could stay with anyone for even a short period of time.  She has come a long way.  But there are days...days like today when I wonder when/if her little heart will ever feel secure. 

I've had to go several places during the last few weeks and have left her at a place she really enjoys (it is a drop-in childcare...but I know the person/people who run it and they do well with her...I don't want someone to read this and have flashbacks to the movie "One Fine Day" and the "Ninth Street Drop-In" :)  Anyway, she seems to enjoy being there.  She likes having children around who are a wide variety of ages.  She enjoys doting on the babies and joining in the games with the older kids.  But she is still scared.  She will not eat, drink, go potty, or change her pull-up.  And when she's "done", she just meltsdowns and cries. 

She has done the same thing when I've gotten a new sitter...she will dehydrate before she'll even touch a drop of food or drink.  It just makes me sad.  I just want her to know that she knows that she knows that I will always come back.  We are five years out now...when will she fill secure?  Oy...it just is what it is today.  Jenn

3 comments:

Heather - Hopelessly Flawed said...

(hugs) Jenn. I don't have any experience with this, but I feel for you and I know it must be very difficult. I will pray for you & Yan to find some peace in this area.

Chrissy said...

Poor Yan. :( I will pray a special prayer for her tonight.

Stephanie said...

Bless her heart. :( I hope things get better.