Today's reason why I'm turning grey at the age of 33!

Took Yan in for her last day of testing today. I had planned on coming home, but then realized we were later than planned and we were both hungry. So, we decided to stop and eat some fast food. I got our food, sat down at the table, ate for a while then needed something from the counter. I said, "Yan, sit right here-I am going to go get something from the counter". I could totally see her from where I was standing and she just sat there quietly eating. Then a lady at the counter went to help me and I turned around for less than a minute. Turned back around, Yan was GONE! Quickly scoured the restaurant, not there, went out to the playground, not there. Ran back inside was completely in a panic...others started to notice. I'm asking, "Have you seen my daughter?" At least I can say, "She's Chinese with Down Syndrome"...let's face it, it's descriptive. People start getting up to help me look when all of the sudden, guess who walks out of the men's bathroom with her skirt stuck in her pull-up?! How in the world??!!! Bad mommy, no turning around!

On a side note, thanks for the thoughts from some of you guys on the recent tough times. Thank you Tina for calling-I cannot wait to meet you and Izzy next week! Things have improved some, but just praying that they continue to. We've also recently begun new therapies and though they will be very beneficial in the long-term, it's always hard to get into a new schedule and groove. I appreciate the continued prayers!! Hugs! Jenn

Just what I needed-for all the parents out there...

This week has been one of the hardest ones ever. I'm just at a breaking point in so many areas-and I feel like unless God just supernaturally intervenes, all will be lost. I'm not going to write it all on here-but I did vent a bunch to some on-line sisters yesterday. One of them posted this for me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgG7YlY-IF0

Of course, I sat here sobbing. So-enjoy...especially for all the mama's out there right now!

Jenn

Doing things the hard way!

I don't know about you, but God has some creative ways of speaking to me. He tends to use Emily Yan a lot to show me little insights about myself. This has been a liberating and freeing thing, because before Yan came into my life-I truely don't think I knew what unconditional love was. No matter what she does or how many times she does it, I totally love her and am still head over heels crazy about her. This is comforting, because I know I'm imperfect in my love-but God must totally delight over me.

Anyways, back to my story. Tonight I tried once again to make a new meal that Yan would eat. The child must be out to prove that someone can exist on milk and goldfish crackers for like a year at a time. I tried nachos tonight...yummy, right? Chips, beef, beans, cheese-no go folks. She only would eat the chips. It's been years since I had nachos, so I enjoyed them. I let her keep munching on her chips, put in a Sesame Street and went to my office to do a little work.

Lately, I've been trying to sit in my office and wait until she gets me after a video or activity is done. I want her to ask for help, communicate, something...just to try to get her to interact with me. I heard her get up and move, but just waited to see if she would ask for help. Well, I sat for a while and kept hearing the trash lid open and shut, her move, and then sigh and huff. This kept happening over and over and over again-but the sighs were getting a little louder. Finally I couldn't resist seeing what she was doing. I walked out in the kitchen and she had the plate of chip pieces on the floor (you know when there are 100's of little pieces left at the bottom of the bag?). She was taking one piece at time, standing up, opening the trash can (the automatic opener just recently broke), throwing that piece away and then bending down starting all over again. At the rate she was going, it would have taken a couple hours to throw away all the leftover pieces. I looked at her and said, "Would you like help?" She nodded. I opened the trash, dumped the whole plate and she cheered.

How many times do I look just like her? Trying to pick up my teeny, tiny pieces and take care of them? I know the goal, but can't see a better way, a more efficient way, a wiser way-and I do not want to ask for help? Thank God, that He steps in, takes over and cleans things up quickly. Now...if I could only learn to always ask before I even waste time trying to do things my way!

It's Father's Day...

It's Father's Day again. I don't think too many dads read my blog...but Happy Father's Day to all of you out there. God says that He is a Father to the fatherless-and I cling to that, especially on days like this. I miss my dad! I miss the man that was like a dad to me! I miss chats over coffee, big hugs, I miss simply being someone's daughter. I wish that Yan had the connection too...a grandpa, someone to dote over her, spoil her and think she was the greatest little one on the face of the planet. It's just one of those hard days!

Slivers of God's goodness!

I'm trying really hard to look on the bright side of things. I'm not saying this takes away any of the pain, grief or sadness...but it does highlight that God still uses things for His glory. Within one week of Maria Chapman's death-over $310,000 in donations for adopting orphans had been given. The number is going up daily. That means, based on an average that "Shoahannah's Hope" gives to families to adopt-that over 77,000 orphans will be helped in coming home!!! Yeah God!
On another note, the family is still struggling emotionally, definite prayers are still needed!

A Big Milestone!!

Yan was watching a Barney and eating some goldfish and I was working on the computer. She suddenly came in to see me and at first Ithought there were just goldfish all over her mouth. Then I realized that goldfish do not leave red marks and soon it dawned on my that there was blood coming out of her mouth. Being the calm, cool and collective mom that I am...I freaked. I was like, "What happened to you? Did you fall? How did I miss that? Then I inspected her mouth and found that my baby girl lost (and swallowed) her first tooth! :-)The new one already pushed in behind it. After I stopped freaking, she stopped sobbing (we're a great pair) and is now sooooo excited. She keeps saying "too" (tooth) and sticking her tongue out the hole. How do they grow up so fast?!!!!