Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Giving Up Expectations...

I haven't blogged for a bit; honestly it's been a rough couple of weeks. But after watching a video about a little angel that I previously posted about http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
(Warning, get kleenex) I just felt like I should write. It seems no matter where I turn, God continues to show me that His plans are so different from mine. That no matter how hard I try not to have "expectations"-of people, events, milestones, success, etc., they are still there deep inside me. And that until I let go of all of it, I will still struggle with disappointment, getting offended, upset, angry and will not be "resting" in Him the way that He has intended.

Last week we went for an annual visit to the "Down Syndrome Clinic". I am grateful that we can go and get many appointments out of the way at one and see up to 9 specialists in one day; however, it can be overwhelming. During this particular day we had to do a lot of waiting...as in it took 5 hours to see 4 specialists. I was tired and Yan was completely over the whole thing. Needless to say, she zoned out and before we left the clinic I had specialists telling me that they were concerned, were referring to a psychiatrist and on top of the -Down Syndrome, Congenital Heart Disease, Sensory Integration Disorder and Attachment Disorder, they thought she now might have Autism. AHHHHHH! I lost it! I know that she has issues, I know that she has obstacles that we must conquer-but by golly, do we need another freaking label????

I've since calmed down and have been reminded that she is exactly who she is meant to be. But I must continually hit my knees and ask God to transfer this knowledge from my head to my heart and to free me from any of my own expectations.



dee said...

Found your blog via Angela and Derek (and Ava) - Yan is so beautiful. You are so right - she is who she is - God's wonderful creation, blessed with a caring loving mother with unconditional love for her. Hope you had a great mother's day - DeAnna

Cindy said...

I'm praying for you and Yan. Please keep us posted. We'd love to get together soon if you're both over being sick. I love the photos of Yan on your blog. She's so adorable!