Four Years Ago this week...

Yan during our first meeting!

A recent backyard pic!

My life took the biggest and best turn ever! During our last presidential election, 4 years ago this week I was FRANTIC! Thankfully I voted early (as I did this time) because I never would have made it to the polls on election day. I spent that day and night (and I mean staying up all night) packing and wondering, and basically just being a bundle of nerves. All because early that Wednesday morning I boarded a plane (yes, little old me, scared of flying) to go to Hong Kong and meet my daughter.

I have been reminiscing over and over in my head lately-so grateful for the turn my life took...so thankful for my daughter! I can't believe it's been four years! Sometimes I still can't believe that she's mine...she's my daughter.

I remember my friend Bethany taping me as we took the transit through Hong Kong. We were walking through these courtyards and when we finally got to the building where Yan lived with her foster family-I felt like I was going to implode with excitement and nervousness. We loaded the elevator and Bethany turned on the camera, she said something along the lines of, "Jennifer, you're about to become a mom, what are you thinking?" I said I was scared and excited and just overwhelmed...but really I couldn't even put my thoughts into words. We stepped out of the elevator to the floor and I could hear squealing down the hallway. Yan's foster mother had a little vase of silk flowers that she had for me that Yan was holding. She kept telling her that I was coming, and Yan squealed with delight and anticipation. She was jumping up and down holding the flowers for me when I reached the doorway.

I burst into tears upon seeing her and remember saying, "Oh, she's so little"...because compared to her pictures, she looked so tiny. I wanted to squeeze her immediately, but knew that I had to ease into my new role. I remember wanting to talk to her foster family but all I could do was drop down to the ground to finally see my daughter, meet her at her level and soak it all in.

We started to get to know each other, but as Yan saw that I was there for more than a visit, her walls went up. She was so attached to her wonderful foster family (and I am SO grateful that she was so loved...thank you IPS, we know you read the blog and love you so much!) and she really wanted nothing to do with me. I don't know how many times I got slapped by her during those first couple of days. She was saying "Back off lady!"

Finally the day came to say good-bye to her foster family...it was simply one of the hardest days of my life and hopefully the hardest she will ever have to endure. To literally watch her taken from her foster mother's arms screaming, see her foster mother crying and know that I (though for a wonderful reason long term) was causing that pain was beyond hard. Yan screamed for 10 minutes and then she shut down, she went into shock...I didn't see her cry again for almost 4 months. She was heartbroken, I was heartbroken for her...and those moments of first becoming an official mommy were somewhat bittersweet.

But God is faithful. He truely , "...sets the lonely in families"...he has healed so much of Yan's heart. He has given her an indescribable joy, a zest for life an innocence that is amazing. Through Yan, God has opened my eyes to see beauty that I never knew existed. I remember hearing someone say when they adopted their child, it was like they saw life in color for the first time. My life is colorful with Yan. She has taught me that love is not given by blood...but by choice. She has shown me a deeper level of love, joy and thankfulness. She has taught me that success is not measured in dollars, or status, or degrees-but in the difference you make in the lives of others.

To her I say, "Thank you! Thank you my beautiful daughter for being who you are! You are a true gift from God and I treasure every moment that I have with you! Words cannot ever express how much I love you, and how you are CHOSEN!! Though your little life started out rough, I am so grateful for your birth parents who gave you life. God designed for our lives to be lived together and I could not be happier. I am far from perfect, I make so many mistakes...but I will always love you. You will never be alone, you have been chosen and designed to be mine...I LOVE YOU!!!!"

Okay, so I should have warned you that I'm very emotional this week. I'm going to attempt to post the slideshow I made a long while ago, of my trip to Hong Kong to get Yan...and some other pics. If it doesn't work, I'll post later. Much love! Jenn

http://www.dotphoto.com/go.asp?l=jenncslp&SID=142742&Show=Y&p=

Fall Pics and such!

Sorry for the delay in writing...I thought Yan was better, then she got it again...she finally seems to be getting over it now. We were able to go to a fun party at "My Gym" (the fabulous kids fitness center where Yan takes classes. Miss Stacey is her wonderful teacher (dressed like the "Fairy for a Cure") and will also be her coach for the Special Olympics Gymnastics team that will start in January.) We also went "Trunk or Treating" with our friends Charles, Rebecca, Zara, Zena and Zola. Yan LOVED it!! She was so excited to collect all the goodies. The crazy thing is she just does not love candy. She's only had one piece. (I wish I could say the same ;-)

We welcomed fall by baking a "Fall Cake"...see, I can give a reason to bake a cake any day. Aside from pouring and mixing, Yan helped with the sprinkles. There were some yummy pieces that contained at least an inch of sprinkles on them...yummmmmy!

And then, you'll notice the Christmas in Kmart pictures. "You know your mom is an online toy seller...when you're comfortable posing for Christmas pictures in Kmart while shopping." Oy...should be a fun season!

A fine time to talk

Thank you for the prayers, Yan is starting to feel better and I'm enjoying her peppy little personality. With me (though not with others much) she is also trying to talk sooooooo much! I love it! I'm amazed how many words she gets out, especially through songs.

I was reminded today that this can cause problems. We went to the store and I was backing out of a parking place some guy lost his patience and tried to swerve and speed behind me. I was not happy. I said, "JERK"! All the sudden I heard this little voice pipe up, "ZERK". Oops...I had to explain and apologize...geesh, of all the times to imitate me! :-)

I have some pics to post; hopefully I will have a chance to do it tomorrow!

Hugs!

Today

Thanks for the prayers...it has been a horrible day. Yan is off the charts sensory wise and the Dr. had to get a look at her ears and throat today-which also involved cleaning out her ears and swabbing her throat for strep. It took three people to hold her down and she went crazy. She burst blood vessels all over her face (see picture).

Strep was negative, she has an ear infection and some other viral infection causing the rash. They also went ahead and did her shots. I usually am okay with doing what needs to be done, but I've just cried today because I feel horrible that she is so scared and so sensitive and I don't really know what to do. We've gone to see an OT for sensory issues, but she doesn't show these symptoms in a typical setting...pretty soon there will be a day that she can't be held down. I just wonder if some of the issues will ever clear up-I'm very scared and sad for her right now. Signing off for crying...thank you for the prayers...I know compared to so many things this is not big, but I'm really struggling with how to help her.

Something is off...

We're having a REALLY rough day today...and we've had several within the last couple of weeks. Yan has literally cried for 30-45 minutes at a time, over and over again. She's not eating much, she's taking naps, and as of 2 hours ago she has a rash spreading all over her. We're going to the Dr. in the morning (unless she starts crying again tonight and then we'll go the ER like they said)...but if you can spare some prayers we would appreciate it!

Thanks! Jenn

Reasons why I'm tired, or a record of the week!

So, maybe my new plan should be just to get one good post in a week...perhaps I could meet that goal. It's been a busy one folks. Yan has had me hopping lately.

About a week ago she decided to try climbing up on the table. I have no idea why, but I was startled by a large thud and screams. She seemed like she was really hurt and continued to cry for a long time. This is unusual for her, so I checked her over really well (I thought) and found nothing. She finally settled down and we went to gymnastics. She was fine the next day, but the following morning woke up and signed "help" when trying to put on her glasses. I thought her hair was just caught and tried to get them on her. Then I felt something sticky in her hair and wondered what she got into...thinking it was food, I went to pick it out until I saw blood everywhere. Here her glasses had sliced the top of her ear when she fell off the table...I felt HORRIBLE!!! With her long, dark hair I had totally missed it. That sealed the deal, no mommy of the year award this year. Can I tell you how happy I will be when she communicates exactly what is wrong??? It ended up getting infected and so she had to go on antibiotics to clear it up and go without glasses for several days. But, the good news is...it looks good now!

We've also been battling those first colds of the season right now as well. Thankfully hers cleared up with the meds...mine not so much. Still trying to sleep it off, which reminds me I need to go to bed soon!

Later in the week I decided that it would be fun to have Yan and Baby A paint pumpkins. I don't know what exactly I was thinking when I gave the 15 month old and Yan a paintbrush at the same time, but I can tell you that poison control was called before the end of the painting session (thank the Lord that the kids paints are really nontoxic) and a dual bath was given. However, they LOVED it!

We made a trip to Chick-Fil-A this week before gymnastics. Yan was very thrilled that she finally got to meet "THE COW". He was gigantic and she kept running over to hug him. I was thrilled that she was not scared. Yeah Yan!!

Today we had an eventful time as well. I had to run in to the bank at Publix and ended up seeing a friend. Because I wasn't really shopping I didn't have a cart, and Yan has been doing so much better about staying with me that I didn't think I would need one. However, I started to chat with the friend and Yan started to wander. She came back and then would wander but come back again. All of the sudden she didn't come back. I couldn't see her, I realized she ran to the front and panic struck. I was pacing the front of the store, then ran to the parking lot, then ran back in. By this point the friend, a manager and I were all looking. The manager said, "Well, we can page her". I explained that she would most likely not answer the page! She said, if you don't find her right away we're closing down the store for a "Code Adam". Thankfully, Lisa, my friend found her and was headed down the aisle towards me! Does she know how many new grey hairs will sprout up tomorrow morning??? Oy!

After that, we went to a "Special Olympics" open house. Yan will be eligible to participate in January. She may start with gymnastics because wonderful Miss Stacey (her gymnastics teacher) is the coach. But man, those other athletes looked so much older compared to her! It was heartwarming to see so many people, some with different abilities, some not...playing, laughing and just being together.

So, here's the best part...the pics. Oh, and I thought I would throw in a couple extras. "Dress-Up" is still one of Yan's favorite activities, as is twirling...enjoy!!

The making of an artist!

I am so behind in posts. I've tried to upload more pics and videos, but they don't seem to work...here's another attempt. Life has just been busy lately and I haven't been able to keep up with everything. I thought I would try and post our "work" from yesterday. A friend, Kelly, blogged about her daughter drawing people and I realized that Yan and I really hadn't worked on people yet. So we took some time yesterday to learn how to draw a basic (circle/line) person. Yan LOVED it! She kept going and going until I had 16+ drawings. I loved seeing the progression.

So here, I present to you...the artist and her art. (Please do not be worried about the lack of smiles...I'm sure they will get "happier" with time. :-)