The Cullimore Girls

Please HELP!!!

2011-08-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone still reads my blog, but if you do, please consider helping this little girl!

She is 11 years old and weighs only 10 pounds!! She needs to have her ransom paid and find her forever family! Almost $20,000 has been raised during the last day, but let's finish it!

They are giving out so many prizes for anyone who donates. No amount is too small!

Thank you! Jenn

Wanna win?

2011-08-08T10:20:00.003-07:00

I know I haven't posted in forever...but I will soon!

In the meantime, do you want to win a $25 Sam's Club gift card? Enter my friend's give-a-way!

http://thestoryof5reviews.blogspot.com/2011/08/sams-club-25-gift-card-giveaway.html?showComment=1312823736605#c8321119598627440652

Yan's 10th Birthday!

2011-04-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

I realize I am WAY behind in updating the blog. I tend to post pictures on facebook regularly, but forget to put them on here. I thought I would post some of Yan's 10th birthday. We had a party at home with her friends and she had a BLAST! She has grown so much...it makes me sad and happy at the same time. I don't want to lose these young days, but it's amazing watching her grow into a little lady. Here are a few pictures.

Hmmmm...I'm missing the rest of them, will try to post more later. :-) Jenn

The way God speaks

2011-03-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

One thing I like about the way God speaks is the way He uses our everyday circumstances. I remember beginning the adoption process for Yan and I was amazed at how He used each stage to teach me a new truth about Him. I find myself reminded of these truths as I begin again.

I once read a passage, I believe it was from "Brennan Manning" where he was talking about our Papa, our Abba Father, Christ. He, like myself, found himself easily distracted and sometimes even unable to focus on God when he was trying to simply pray. I am CONSTANTLY DISTRACTED...I try to remind myself that I must focus on only one thing at a time. Brennan compared this situation to a little toddler who crawled up on his father's lap. He was gibbering at his dad one second, then the next he was crawling down to look at something shiny or new that caught his attention. His reminder was, do you think that the Father cared or loved his child any less because he was distracted? No, he simply delighted in his child...he was thrilled to hold him, watch him, dote over him. And just think, that dad wasn't even perfect. Our Heavenly Father rejoices over us. He takes pride in our every movement, our every step. He loves us-He's adopted us-He rejoices over us! We are so blessed!

Watch this amazing reminder of God's adoption and why we reach out to adopt others. :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6jO7xhU_Pw

It is time to build the ark

2011-03-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

It is obvious that I took a little hiatus from the world of blogging. It's been a busy season and I just wasn't motivated to write on a regular basis. However, I hope that I can use the blog to chronicle this next journey.

Sometimes God speaks to us at strange times and when we least expect it. I'm guilty of hearing His voice and trying to figure out how He will choose to do things. But the bottom line is, we don't think like He does. He knows best and when we obey and trust Him He can work out more than we could ever imagine. I find myself in that spot one more time. I have waited and waited to begin the adoption process again, but it seemed like there were so many obstacles in my way. But I've heard the call, and I've heard Him say "It's time"...so finally I feel I can take a leap of faith once again.

I'm writing to ask for your prayers for this journey. I'm following my heart and going where I feel God is leading, but I do not really understand how He will orchestrate all of it. Will you pray? Pray for guidance and direction, pray for my heart and Yan's heart to be prepared for the next steps and pray for my child or children, wherever they are.

I'm going to start to do some preliminary fund raising work. Adoption is not cheap, and to be honest, I'm not in the place to afford it...but I know He will provide. A friend reminded me that I could begin "building my ark". Noah didn't wait until he saw the rain before he started work on the ark. He worked while the land was dry (and he was 600 years old, praise God I'm not quite that old yet) and obeyed and trusted in God. I will obey, I will trust...and I AM VERY EXCITED! I cannot wait to see what this season holds. God is always good and I'm sure He has an amazing story to write here. I will update as I can.

Many blessings, Jenn

God cares about glasses

2010-09-05T07:33:00.001-07:00

I love that God cares about everything! Yan's glasses were missing and she was desperately searching for them. We looked everywhere. So we stopped to pray. Stood up from praying and leaned on Yan's bed and her glasses fell out to the floor (they were apparently wedged under her mattress because she tries to put them on in the night if she wakes up). You should have seen her eyes. God just showed Himself to her. He is so good!

Switching things up!

2010-09-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. Don't know that I want to write out long stories right now. I'm going to switch things up and just start posting little snippets of life with Yan, my thoughts, etc. I often post these on facebook, but would like to keep them somewhere where I can have more of a record of things. I want to remind myself how good my life is and how blessed I am to have a funny little girl in it each and every day.

Today's funny...

Yan was walking towards me and carrying "Sugar" (the beloved stick horse) horizontally. She accidentally hit a little boy in the head with his stick. I told her and she immediately turned around and gave him a great big kiss where he got hit. Unfortunately "he" was the stick horse. Must work on directing compassion... to the right place/people! So wrong, but oh how I love that girl!

The good news is...

2010-05-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

We're alive! To say that the last three weeks have been the biggest whirlwind of my life is a complete understatement. I'm always amazed when life changes on a moment's notice. And if you think you are really in control of anything, you are sadly mistaken.

Three weeks ago on Saturday, May 1st, Yan and I were at home cozy in our pajamas. We had been out earlier in the day, but came back early because it was pouring rain and had been for days. When I drove around I noticed some of the roads were starting to flood. It was supposed to continue raining and I made the call that we were going to stay in on Sunday morning. We don't live near a river, and I wasn't worried about us, but did not want to take a chance of flooding the car out driving through water. We had a nice, quiet evening at home and went to bed.

Early Sunday morning Yan and I were sleeping and she was curled up in my bed. We started to hear the thunder rumbling, but that made me want to roll over and sleep longer. Suddenly I was awakened by loud pounding on my bedroom window and heard someone screaming, "Wake Up, Jennifer". I stumbled out of bed and headed to the door. It was my neighbor, Kyle. She and her son were outside. She started yelling something about it being an emergency, my house was going to flood and we needed to get out. I was in a stupor, I didn't have my contacts and I started to move in slow motion. She told me she needed my keys so that they could try to save my car and that we should come to their house up on the hill.
I handed her the keys, got my contacts and started pacing, not knowing what to do next. For some reason (not a logical one), I logged onto my facebook account and posted a note asking my friends to pray. I then grabbed Yan's hands and we stopped to pray-I didn't know what else to do. I grabbed a few things, but really thought that there was no way that my house would flood. It was then that I looked out the front door. I saw that our entire cul-de-sac up to our mailbox was under water and there was no way out. I then flew into overdrive and started throwing things into bins, setting them on shelves up high and getting out a few changes of clothes.
The water was rising fast and I knew that Yan was going to get scared if we didn't get out soon. I got a few things with her and headed out the back door to the neighbor's house. She was still happily skipping in her rain boots, completely oblivious to the danger. At the neighbor's house I found more people...an elderly couple that we've come to know and love from a few houses down. Their house was already completely submerged up to the roof. They had lived there 46 years...and they were in shock.
I tried to get a grasp on what was going on, got Yan settled and then realized that we didn't have much food in the neighbor's house. I knew I had some in my pantry, so we went back to get it. By the time the neighbor and I got to my back door, the water was up to my waist and I knew that it was now inevitable. I wanted so badly to do something, to rescue everything from the situation. But there was nothing I could do.
For the next two days we stayed at the neighbors house, we lost power for a while, then when we regained it we realized how widespread the situation was all over Nashville. Yan had a very rough time at first. She just kept saying and signing, "home, home". I tried to explain and show her that there was water in our home, but she refused to even look out the windows at it. However, even in those early moments, God was providing. He orchestrated friends who were praying, planning ways to help, sending messages and verses of support and love.
Monday the waters receded. I was able to go over and look inside the house for the first time. I was SOOOO not prepared for what I saw. In my mind I thought, "wet". I didn't realize that the flood was destruction. The water ended up going through the house, about 3+ feet. But it rearranged the furniture, flipped the refrigerator and dressers, collapsed the book shelves and covered everything in a slimy, gross muddy sludge. It stunk already. I was in shock. Almost everything was ruined. The neighbors kept saying that I needed to get everyone I knew to help clean it out. I thought it would take weeks because it seemed so daunting. However, once again the Lord provided. A friend's husband came early that morning, saw the mess and said that he would make a few phone calls. About 15 teenagers and adults from his church youth group came out and within 6 hours my house was gutted and stripped down to the studs.
It's a weird thing watching all your possessions being thrown into the dump and taken to the landfill. I started giving them things that weren't ruined to trash...it was like everything was contaminated to me.
Fortunately, I was able to save most of Yan's pictures, some clothing and about 1/2 of my store inventory (because it was up on high shelves). But all the other stuff was gone. The antique rocker, the cedar chest my dad made, all our furniture, all our homeschool materials, all my therapy stuff, boxes of mom and dad's photos, just gone. But, it is just stuff. I know that...but, it's still going to hurt. Every time I think about the stuff I can't replace-the keepsake ornaments, Yan's artwork, the clothes she came home in-it stings.
Through it all though, God has remained faithful. He is providing. We've been blessed with wonderful friends who have a basement apartment that we are currently staying in. We are either going to move back into the house when it's redone, or find another. We've been blessed by friends who have rallied donations of items, gift cards and money that will help us to create our little home again, hopefully someday soon. But I pray that I will never look at things the same way. I know in my heart that God is using this experience as an opportunity to set me free from more "stuff" in life. And even though I long for Yan to have that security of "home", I pray that this makes her stronger in her belief that God and I plan on being there for her. I'll try to leave you with some pictures and a verse that someone emailed me during the midst of the raging waters.

He reached down from on high and took hold
of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me
from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too
strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a
...spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. ~
Psalm 18:16-19

During the flood, our house was the white one

The backyard...which really has steps up to the back door. Yan's toys floated around the neighborhood.

The inside...no, that's not where we usually keep the fridge. :-)

It rearranged my furniture and demolished the other bookshelves in the living room.

The disgusting bathroom. We even found food in there.

Some of the trash piled outside

Very thankful for my little keep pile. And Yan's pediatrician even came over and moved it for us.

After-the inside gutted

It's just the way it is

2010-02-22T14:35:00.000-08:00

Yan has had a difficult time with attachment and security since I adopted her. It was literally a year after she came home before she could stay with anyone for even a short period of time. She has come a long way. But there are days...days like today when I wonder when/if her little heart will ever feel secure.

I've had to go several places during the last few weeks and have left her at a place she really enjoys (it is a drop-in childcare...but I know the person/people who run it and they do well with her...I don't want someone to read this and have flashbacks to the movie "One Fine Day" and the "Ninth Street Drop-In" :) Anyway, she seems to enjoy being there. She likes having children around who are a wide variety of ages. She enjoys doting on the babies and joining in the games with the older kids. But she is still scared. She will not eat, drink, go potty, or change her pull-up. And when she's "done", she just meltsdowns and cries.

She has done the same thing when I've gotten a new sitter...she will dehydrate before she'll even touch a drop of food or drink. It just makes me sad. I just want her to know that she knows that she knows that I will always come back. We are five years out now...when will she fill secure? Oy...it just is what it is today. Jenn

Some of them

2010-02-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

For some reason it is still not letting me upload all of them...but here are a few more!

More pics...

2010-02-12T16:43:00.001-08:00

Well, it wouldn't let me upload all the pics, so there will be more later.

Hello Again Friends!

2010-02-12T16:21:00.000-08:00

Yes, we're still here. It's been a crazy time here. I am trying to get an online store up and running...so stay tuned.
In other news, Yan and I had a blast this Wednesday. We met a friend, Christy, that I met online a few years ago. She's also a mom of two beautiful internationally adopted children. She's a photographer and just a great person. She came into town for a photography convention and we got to meet in person. She was kind enough to take some pictures of Yan and I at a local mall. There was an aquarium restaurant and we had so much fun seeing all the fabulous sea creatures. Yan loved it! Here are some of the shots!

Yes, we are still alive!

2010-01-15T21:16:00.000-08:00

I realize I totally dropped the ball on the blog...but really, how many people are still reading? :-) We are still alive and kicking. It has just been a very busy time. I also find myself posting little things on Facebook, but just don't get over here to post.

Christmas was great. I sold toys again online and stayed busy. Yan seems to love each Christmas better than the last one. She loves the tree, lights and especially the presents. I think she loves opening them more than anything. She loves anticipation, the magic, the surprise. She is definitely not bogged down by "things"-it's more about the experience.

My little girl turns 9 tomorrow! I.CANNOT.BELIEVE.IT! How does the time go so quickly? I still think of her as that teeny little toddler that was still uneasy on her feet. She has grown and blossomed; and honestly, I cannot imagine life without her.

Right now we're having a friend here for the weekend. Yan is having so much fun playing, rough housing and yes-being bossy! They both fell asleep next to each other-so sweet!

I'll post a couple of pics here...and will TRY to get her birthday pictures loaded quickly. Jenn

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program...

2009-11-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

for a wonderful advertisement! My friend Heather is once again sending out personalized "Santa Letters" to the little ones this year. These are a fun treat for kiddos to get. If you want to learn more about it, please visit her at:

http://www.santaslittleletters.blogspot.com/

Remember...only 50 days left until Christmas! :-)

Oh, and I'll try to update the blog soon!

Jenn

We now love horses!

2009-10-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

I know, shocking to have 2 posts in one week. ;-) Yan had the opportunity to take a short session of horseback riding therapy lessons. She LOVED it! The name of her horse (pony) was "Alladin". She did great learning to guide him right and left. She said "Walk On" to make him go and "Whoa" to make him stop. I'm hoping to get her in continuous lessons, but were not off the waiting list so far. Honestly, the horseback therapy and gymnastics have been the best activities for Yan. I would choose them over certain traditional therapies anyday. They are fun, motivating and a joy for Yan to do. There is never complaining...just excitement at each new accomplishment.

Here are some pics. The little boy in the photo's with Yan is Christian. He was adopted from Russia and just happened to get a class with us. The kids had fun together. Though Yan wanted to hug Christian a lot and well, Christian said, "I just want her to keep her hands off of me". :-)

Fall, Fall, Fall!

2009-10-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

I love fall! I love the crisp air, the beautiful colors, the crackling of leaves beneath my feet. God is good, and his creation simply amazes me. Today I took Yan to the Pumpkin Patch. We had a blast, and enjoyed the ride along the way. Here are a few pics!

Okay, so I've been a blogging slacker...

2009-09-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long delay in blog posts. It was a busy summer and an even busier start to fall. We've had some crazy things going on in our family and time just got away from me. I did want to stop in and provide a brief updats.

Emily Yan has been busy. She is still taking gymnastics and has now started therapeutic horseback riding. She LOVES it! During her last session they let the horse trot. She wanted to continue and kept telling the horse "go, go, go". :-) We've had a slow start to our homeschooling year, but finally received the rest of our curriculum. Yan is trying to say so much more, which I love.

Even though it hasn't officially turned "Fall" yet...we were both thrilled to walk in Kmart the other day and find Christmas trees galore! :-) We're planning on putting up the tree the weekend of Halloween. :-) Hee, hee!

I hope you are all well...drop me a line and let me know how you're doing! Jenn

Yan the strong girl!

2009-07-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

I'm really attempting to get some better lifestyle habits, including some more exercise. When I've been successful losing weight in the past (okay, about 10 years ago) I was doing heavy duty cardio and strength training. So I decided that I wanted to get some small weights for home. I was hoping to find some used ones, and I did find a little pair (3.5 lbs) at the thrift store. I brought them home and showed Yan. I showed her how to lift them up and do reps up to 10. She's been working on her counting and decided to try on her own. She lifted them up, but by two she was struggling so this is how the counting went: one, two, three, TEN! She promptly set them down. I love her style!

Show Hope!

2009-06-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

"Show Hope", formerly "Shoahannah's Hope" is a wonderful organization that was started by the Chapman family to reach out to orphans and families adopting. As most of you know the Chapman's have gone through a rough year after losing their daughter, Maria, last year. God has used this horrific event for good by bringing in funds to start a new home in China for children with special needs. We were able to go to the open house (here, not in China...but boy would that be fun!) for Show Hope last night. Fox news happened to be there and we were in the news story (at the start and end). You can see it here:

http://www.fox17.com/newsroom/top_stories/wztv_vid_679.shtml

Yan loved seeing herself on TV and was shouting and pointing! :-)

A Fabulous Party!

2009-06-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's been busy around the Cullimore house lately! This weekend we went to a birthday party for our good friend, Zara. Zara's uncle used to own a horse and since she was having a "horse party" he decided to surprise her and bring the horse to the party for rides and "horse talk". To say that this trumps any party that I can throw from this time on is an understatement. Yan did not want to leave the horse's side. She talked/and signed about how she rode the horse for the rest of the day. She even showed Elmo how to ride a horse today. :-) So here are some horse pics...enjoy!

Yan in Pictures!!

2009-05-27T16:51:00.000-07:00

I don't have tons of time right now (dinner is on the stove), but wanted to take a moment to update the blog. Recently my friend, Amber, (which I'm not seeing her blog on my roll and I don't know why...perhaps I haven't updated it in a year or so :-O) told me about a wonderful program called "The Littlest Heroes Project".

http://www.littlestheroesproject.org/Littlest_Heroes_Project/Home.html

It matches photographers with families of children with special needs. The photographers donate their time and talents to do a photo shoot of the child for free. They then give you all the pics on CD-ROM so that you can print off whatever you want. This is a huge blessing as it provides memories that are typically very expensive.

I signed Yan up and she was approved and matched with a wonderful photographer, Stephanie, with "Bella Flora Photography". Stephanie met us at a park a couple of weeks ago and took pictures galore. She took several hundred Yan Yan photos! This week she put a sneak peak up on her blog. Check it out!

http://www.bellafloraphotography.com/blog/

When we arrived at the park to take the photos Stephanie surprised us with a beautiful, custom made pettiskirt set. It is GORGEOUS! You could tell the minute Yan put it on she felt like a princess. It turns out it was made and donated by a very talented woman. Here is her on-line blog/store.

http://www.missthingsboutique.blogspot.com/

Thank you both ladies! Thank you "Littlest Heroes"!! We are so blessed to have this photos taken!

Jenn

A Yan Update!

2009-05-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

I've not done well keeping up with things again, but thought I would at least post a little update. Things have been busy. I feel like we go through spurts when everything is great, medically speaking and then we hit some rough patches...I guess this has been a rough patch lately.

A couple weeks ago we went to the Down Syndrome Clinic for Yan's yearly tests. As some of you know Yan was born with Congenital Heart Disease, as a result of Down Syndrome. She had two large holes in her heart, in her upper and lower chamber. Her mitral valve was also damaged. Yan remained in the hospital in Hong Kong after her birth. At two months of age she had open heart surgery. The holes were repaired well, and the valve was too...however, as she grows her valve has been loosening up.

Ideally the doctors would love for the valve to just stay tight, but that doesn't appear to be happening. The next best thing would be to repair it (requiring open heart surgery again) when she is 13-15 years old, and almost grown...but they don't think that it will wait that long either. When she had her echo, they saw a lot of mitral valve regurgitation. The Cardiologist feels that her heart might begin enlarging in the next few months and that they will have to start some medication...and see how long they can prolong things without the surgery. The worrisome part is, if they have to do the heart surgery soon and the valve would not be in good condition to fix it, they would put in a titanium valve. However, artificial valves only last about 5 years, so they would have to redo the surgery every 5 years. :-(

My concerns...IT'S MY BABY!! I don't want her to have open heart surgery. My heart still goes back to thinking about her as a baby, without a mommy. I know that some of her sensory, security and fear issues relate to being in the hospital for so long as an infant. She is PETRIFIED of anything medical...and the thought of her going through all that just frightens me. I'm afraid they would have to sedate both of us for the entire hospital stay. I also really want her to grow more first...she is only 40 lbs now, and just doesn't have much reserve.

On top of all of that the doctor's are testing for Celiac disease and they also think she's having Sleep Apnea. I'll be honest, I know that other people are dealing with so much more...but sometimes it just seems very overwhelming and lonely. I know that God knows everything about Yan, I know that he knit her together in her mother's womb, I know that I know, that I know...that He knows...I just have to let go and let Him do it.

Bow Breakthrough...my thoughts!

2009-04-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well, first things first, I have to show some pics of what Miss Yan has been up to lately. Can we say, "BUSY"? She is learning so much daily, but really she thinks that she's about 15 years old now and can do everything HERSELF! She purposefully tries to get up before me so that she can try to "cook". Ah, the stories I could tell you. Enjoy the pics of her "Eggs" morning. She also enjoyed making beds up for all the bottles of water.

She's getting much better at hiding things as well. Tonight I noticed that she had worn my slippers out of the bedroom while I was doing the laundry. I looked around for them and could not find them in any of the usual spots. I finally said, "Yan, my slippers are missing, do you know where they are?" She replied with a proud, "YES". I followed her to the refridgerator...sure enough on the second shelf with the food. I bursted out laughing. Oh my, what can you do? :-)

We had a bow breakthrough yesterday. I used to try to get bows in her hair all the time, but she would immediately take them right out. Yesterday we were going to a friends violin recital and I decided I would try again...she wore them all afternoon! Wooohooo!!! She liked to bop her head up and down and feel the bow shake. I thought I would post a few pics!

I'm still in the process of building up my caseload for work. I'll be honest, it's really hard to go from being a stay-at-home mom to working outside of home again. I love being with Yan. I love teaching her and feeling like I'm the one with the most influence over her heart. I just wish I could pay my bills and stay home with her! I'm also feeling a heavy heart lately wanting to adopt again. I just have a burden for so many children like Yan that are not given a chance. I was able to talk to my friend Amy the other day, they are in the process of adopting two more children with Down Syndrome (see Luke and Irena on my side bar for ways that you can help). These children age out at 4...they are put in an institution and are not cared for well, many dying of starvation. My heart wants to jump on a plane and bring as many home as possible. But I have no money, I don't have enough support around me yet to make that commitment again.

Sometimes I just have to wonder why? Why do people who have the heart to do things, not have the means. Why are some people who are so selfish and into materialistic things given so many riches to blow on toys for themselves? Where is the justice? I know, I'm whining ...but it is my blog. :-) Anyways, that's where my head and heart are today...please just say a prayer for all those children out there. Jenn

Good Friday!

2009-04-10T06:03:00.000-07:00

Well I was so nicely reminded by a friend :-) that I had not updated in a very long time...so here goes, at least a brief snip-it! First and foremost, thanks for your prayers for Grace! She is battling some fluid around her heart right now, but has otherwise been a total rock star! God is good!

We've just been busy little bees. I've started a new job part-time and Yan has continued to keep me hopping! She is growing up so quickly that it makes me sad sometimes. She is SO independent...trying new things every day! She continues to love dress-up as you'll see in the pictures!

We are going to an egg hunt with our Chinese Adoption Group tomorrow...I will take pictures.

Remember the reason for this fabulous Easter...Jesus Christ came to earth sinless, died on a cross and rose again...all for YOU...all so that YOU can live forever!!! That is the best gift imaginable! Make sure you've accepted it!!!

Jenn

Please Pray for Grace!

2009-03-12T14:29:00.001-07:00

I have had a friend since I was about 6 or 7 years old, named Amber. We know far too much about each other to ever stop being friends. And today I'm a complete emotional basketcase because Amber's sweet little girl, Grace, had open heart surgery! Grace is only 2 and Amber's family just adopted her last year. She is a little angel (and firecracker all in one).

She just got out of surgery and has already been extubated! Will you please lift Grace and her family up in your prayers? It's quite a long recovery road and I'm sure they can use all the prayers they can get! Here is a picture of fabulous Grace!

Smart Little Cookie!

2009-02-27T17:38:00.001-08:00

It has been a rough day, but I had to share what Yan amazed me with today.

I was finishing up a phone call with a friend while driving to a bank (trust me, it's a rare occasion that I talk while driving). I was whining a little bit about the weather and told my friend to feel free to call this weekend because thanks to the weather we wouldn't be going anywhere, even the P-A-R-K. (I spelled it because Yan loves the park and she would want to go regardless of the weather.) I hung up and Yan was staring at me, she smiled and said, "PARK"! :-) I screamed I was so happy! What a smart girl! I almost cried. I love it that she just soaks this in and amazes me!

I am blessed to have her as my daughter!
Jenn

Hi/Lo Post

2009-02-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and for a chance to win $100.

I'm posting a post for Abby's blog...Abby is a strong, sweet girl who is battling for her life!

Our Hi...is that I know God is still in control and our provider.

Our Low is losing another job and fighting with the bank...but small beans in comparison to what others are going through.

Taking a little break...

2009-02-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

I'm totally behind in everything right now. I know I haven't gotten a couple of blog awards posted, sorry Amy and Heather...I'm just a bit overwhelmed with things right now. I'm trying to start some new work, increase Yan's schooling and keep the house somewhat clean, lose weight, etc....and I just can't seem to do it all. So, I may not update for a while...but hopefully things will calm down soon!

Hugs, Jenn

R.I.P. Whu

2009-02-01T14:39:00.000-08:00

Last week we were able to go to our local Chinese New Year celebration. Honestly it was a little overwhelming for Yan...they had loud Chinese drums and a lion, dragon and other dancers. Basically, she cried and screamed for the first hour but then calmed down. We sat at a table with a family that we had never met, the Rush family (It's always fun to make new friends :-). They were fun to talk to and have had many sets of students that they consider their "kids" from Hong Kong...in fact they had recently been to Hong Kong.

At the end of the evening we found out that our centerpieces (which were fish) were available for us to bring home. Yan loves fish (especially thanks to "Elmo's World") and was thrilled. The moment I told her we could take the fish home, she signed "Eat fish"...before I knew it she fed the fish a nice serving of noodles. Mr. Rush was kind enough to fish the noodles off but suffice to say, some random bets were jokingly made on how long the fish would last. It was 17 degrees out, the heat in our car wasn't working, the fish was in an open bowl, he already had a lot of oil in his water thanks to the noodle dish...let's face it the odds were stacked against him.

On the way home I asked Yan what she wanted to name him. Expecting to hear, Dorothy, Elmo or Barney I was surprised when Yan just blew (like she was blowing out a candle)...I told her that I couldn't really blog that name, but since we got him at Chinese New Year we could improvise and give him a Chinese name of Whu. Whu has been a great fish for the last 8 days, he was fun to watch, he swam gracefully, he ate well...and today I think, I killed him. Do not put a fish in tap water, even if you are just cleaning his big bowl (okay, it's a vase) out...dead an hour later.

Yan didn't take it too hard...she said, "Bye Whu" and I made her stay in the other room while I "flushed"...sooooo sad! So for your pleasure today, Chinese New Year and "Whu" pictures...RIP good buddy...enjoy the big fishbowl in the sky!

A Birthday, A Haircut and more!

2009-01-31T19:37:00.000-08:00

I know that I'm totally slacking on the blog-so sorry! Life just seems to be very busy. Yan is pretty sick right now (I am SO over winter) with a bad stomach virus. I'm praying she rebounds quickly. When I asked her, "Do you want to watch Barney?", and she responded with a "No" and laid on the bed in silence, I knew it was bad.

So, I thought I would post a few pictures from her birthday and from her latest big haircut. Yan is still dealing with some significant sensory issues. While we both loved her long hair, it was a battle to get it brushed each day. So, I cut it. I cut off 11 inches for "Locks of Love"...and though you wouldn't know it by the pictures, she really does like it. (Okay, I'll be honest, I'm kind of regretting it...but I do enjoy not fighting about brushing it every day.)

Yan also lost her 2nd tooth and she didn't swallow it! She was very proud! So enjoy the pics!

Check out this drawing!

2009-01-28T12:11:00.001-08:00

Look at these fabulous signs! http://ashnicole1129.blogspot.com/ I think Yan definitely needs one and am so excited that this fabulous artist is giving one away. I also just love finding people who made quality, great items!

My baby isn't a baby anymore!

2009-01-19T20:40:00.000-08:00

My little girl is growing up so quickly! She celebrated her 8th birthday last Friday. I am still in shock over it. It seems like just yesterday when she came home.

I was going to post some birthday pictures; but instead, I'm posting baby pictures. As any adoptive parent knows, it is difficult to not have pictures of your babies early days. Fortunately, Yan was blessed with a wonderful foster family who took lots of pictures of her. When I went to Hong Kong I was presented with a photo album full of Yan pictures...it was an indescribable treasure! Last week they surprised me by emailing four more pictures. I am so excited to have them. Check out "Baby Yan Yan"!!! I think she is beautiful! All were taken around age 1. I will post birthday pics soon!

The "Ernie" Laugh

2009-01-09T21:05:00.001-08:00

I realize I am way behind in posting. I have so many Christmas pics to post, but I'm going to have to catch up later. Tonight, I thought I would post a short video clip of Yan imitating "Ernie" from "Sesame Street". She actually has a funny "Bert" imitation that she's working on; but it didn't happen tonight. Enjoy!

Oh and yes, she's doing great! Thanks for all the prayers!

Thanks for the Prayers!

2009-01-07T04:30:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for the prayers for Yan's adenoid and ear tube surgery. She did great during the surgery but had a really rough day yesterday. Something (most likely the pain meds) made her sick and she vomitted most of yesterday. She didn't sleep much last night, but appears to be feeling a little better and is, at least, drinking again today.

We're just going to continue to rest and recooperate. Thank you for the prayers!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2008-12-24T08:38:00.001-08:00

Well, I've neglected my blog due to the very busy last month...but thought I would post a Christmas message for everyone! The pictures are of my little drama queen posing for the "Christmas Card" picture (which now will be the "New Years" picture). She always adds her own flair to it; her favorite thing to do right now is turn her back to the camera, then when she sees the flash go off, she turns around and smiles sweetly...little stinker!

We hope that everyone is having a very Merry Christmas! Yan got pretty sick this last week, but it looks like she is perking up in time for fun Christmas activities. We're going to a friends' house tonight for food, fellowship and music, and will spend a quiet day at home tomorrow.

As another year comes to a close, about all I can say is "God is good". There have been many changes, many trials, but also endless blessings. I am so grateful for Yan, her boundless joy and the blessing she is to me. I'm grateful for the family and friends that have stuck by me through everything. I'm most grateful for Christ, who has never left my side. As I think about His humble beginnings, I am really in awe. Since becoming a parent, just the thought of Mary knowing that her baby had the sole purpose of living and dying to save the world, brings me to tears. I cannot imagine what she went through...how she hurt...how she wrestled with this knowledge. I can't imagine what Jesus went through knowing this...I just cannot imagine.

I pray that during this busy Christmas time, we pause and try to reflect, try to imagine what Christ did and what it means to us. It alone provides us with life, salvation, and provision for our lives!

Love you all!
Jenn (& Yan)

Being Thankful...my ramblings

2008-11-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Yan and I slept in, then went to our friend's house (Thank you Jill-everything was wonderful) to join her family for a yummy Thanksgiving dinner. Jill just recently brought her beautiful daughter, Mallory home from China and it was their first Thanksgiving together. After dinner we passed around a jar, each time we received the jar (5 times), we dropped in one dried corn kernal (like the Pilgrims did to remind them of when they had virtually nothing to eat) and told another thing we were thankful for. It was a great way to reflect on so many blessings.

Really, we are SO blessed, I mean I could have come up with lists and lists of things that I'm thankful for. We live in a free country, with the ability to worship and live life as we choose. I try to sit and grasp what I have...and I don't think I truely can. There are so many things that I've grown accustomed to, yet deep down I do not want to take them for granted.

Then tonight, I read my friend Amber's blog and then wonderful Angie's blog and was challenged to sit and thank God for something that I didn't really want to be thankful for. There are several things that immediately popped into my head. One was actually mentioned at the Thanksgiving table today...being thankful when other adoptions did not work out because God knew that Yan was my daughter. Tonight as I thought about other things...hurts, wounds, trials, deaths, relationships lost...stuff that really I don't like...there's nothing fun about it, it sucks, it hurts...but it all falls under the same category "Things that God allowed, that I do not understand, but I must trust that He will use for my good". I'm so short-sighted, I don't see the big picture...but I must trust. I choose to trust that God will use it and work it out for my good.

I'm writing this for me tonight...just to remind myself...God is in control, and for that, I will be forever thankful!

Jenn

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2008-11-26T20:13:00.001-08:00

I'm not updating a lot right now. Life is a little crazy with toy selling season...but I'll update as I can. Thought I would share Yan's "Thankful" comment tonight.

The first Thanksgiving that Yan was home she had only been home for about 2 weeks...we still had jet lag, she was still in shock, but just kind of went with the flow. At the Thanksgiving table everyone was saying what they were thankful for...jokingly they asked her (she couldn't talk/understand much even/sign, anything)...and surprisingly she just pointed to me. Sweet, sweet moment.

Fast forward to tonight. We're driving home from toy shopping and I started talking about being thankful. I said, "Yan, I'm so thankful for you!". I said, "What are you thankful for?" Hoping for a glimpse of "Yanny love", she looked at me, pointed at me and said...

........."BARNEY"! And then she started laughing her head off.
STINKER!!!!

Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving! We are all so blessed!

Fun Family Weekend!

2008-11-16T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am just winding down from a wonderful, family weekend. It had been over a year since I saw my brother and his family, but they were able to make the trip here this weekend. We had an awesome time. We had the joy of watching our children play together nicely (okay, well most of the time) and just enjoying each others company.

Anyone who truely knows me and my family knows that we went through a lot and that John and I were not friends for quite a while. But God is so faithful...He has repaired and healed so much, I just stand in awe sometimes. It was such a pleasure to have John, Yvonne and the girls here and I we can't wait for them to come back!

Here are some pics from the weekend. I was not "quite prepared" for these photos...but Ally said, "I want to have a tea party by the fire, with everyone in their fancy dresses". Well, the fire didn't want to stay lit, I couldn't find a dress but I appeased them with a poncho and a tutu made into a "head covering".

The fabulous cousins/nieces are: Emily Yan 7, Aletheia Mercy 6, Adaryn Jennifer 4, and Chasah Joy 1. Emily loved following the girls lead and joining in the fun. Ally has a delightful imagination and keen observation skills. Adaryn looks just like mom, and she is ready to party at any time...and since she's my namesake I just have to say there is nothing quite like hearing "There are two Jennifer's in the car right now" over and over again to make your heart sing. Chasah is the spitting image of my brother and is doing everything in her power to keep up with the big girls. They are all amazing little girls and I can't wait to see what kind of amazing young women they become.

Just so you know...

2008-11-09T19:36:00.000-08:00

We now have our Christmas decorations up! The party can start now!!! WOOHOOOOOOO!!

Fabulous Fall Pics!

2008-11-07T15:39:00.000-08:00

I've been having one of "those weeks"...so I decided to take Yan and Alex (little boy I watch) outside this afternoon and try to get some fall pictures. I LOVE fall, because it looks like God just spilled a box of watercolors all over the place. I put the pics in this slideshow, but have not edited or cropped them yet. My favs are near the end!

new 11-7-08

Four Years Ago this week...

2008-11-03T20:13:00.000-08:00

Yan during our first meeting!

A recent backyard pic!

My life took the biggest and best turn ever! During our last presidential election, 4 years ago this week I was FRANTIC! Thankfully I voted early (as I did this time) because I never would have made it to the polls on election day. I spent that day and night (and I mean staying up all night) packing and wondering, and basically just being a bundle of nerves. All because early that Wednesday morning I boarded a plane (yes, little old me, scared of flying) to go to Hong Kong and meet my daughter.

I have been reminiscing over and over in my head lately-so grateful for the turn my life took...so thankful for my daughter! I can't believe it's been four years! Sometimes I still can't believe that she's mine...she's my daughter.

I remember my friend Bethany taping me as we took the transit through Hong Kong. We were walking through these courtyards and when we finally got to the building where Yan lived with her foster family-I felt like I was going to implode with excitement and nervousness. We loaded the elevator and Bethany turned on the camera, she said something along the lines of, "Jennifer, you're about to become a mom, what are you thinking?" I said I was scared and excited and just overwhelmed...but really I couldn't even put my thoughts into words. We stepped out of the elevator to the floor and I could hear squealing down the hallway. Yan's foster mother had a little vase of silk flowers that she had for me that Yan was holding. She kept telling her that I was coming, and Yan squealed with delight and anticipation. She was jumping up and down holding the flowers for me when I reached the doorway.

I burst into tears upon seeing her and remember saying, "Oh, she's so little"...because compared to her pictures, she looked so tiny. I wanted to squeeze her immediately, but knew that I had to ease into my new role. I remember wanting to talk to her foster family but all I could do was drop down to the ground to finally see my daughter, meet her at her level and soak it all in.

We started to get to know each other, but as Yan saw that I was there for more than a visit, her walls went up. She was so attached to her wonderful foster family (and I am SO grateful that she was so loved...thank you IPS, we know you read the blog and love you so much!) and she really wanted nothing to do with me. I don't know how many times I got slapped by her during those first couple of days. She was saying "Back off lady!"

Finally the day came to say good-bye to her foster family...it was simply one of the hardest days of my life and hopefully the hardest she will ever have to endure. To literally watch her taken from her foster mother's arms screaming, see her foster mother crying and know that I (though for a wonderful reason long term) was causing that pain was beyond hard. Yan screamed for 10 minutes and then she shut down, she went into shock...I didn't see her cry again for almost 4 months. She was heartbroken, I was heartbroken for her...and those moments of first becoming an official mommy were somewhat bittersweet.

But God is faithful. He truely , "...sets the lonely in families"...he has healed so much of Yan's heart. He has given her an indescribable joy, a zest for life an innocence that is amazing. Through Yan, God has opened my eyes to see beauty that I never knew existed. I remember hearing someone say when they adopted their child, it was like they saw life in color for the first time. My life is colorful with Yan. She has taught me that love is not given by blood...but by choice. She has shown me a deeper level of love, joy and thankfulness. She has taught me that success is not measured in dollars, or status, or degrees-but in the difference you make in the lives of others.

To her I say, "Thank you! Thank you my beautiful daughter for being who you are! You are a true gift from God and I treasure every moment that I have with you! Words cannot ever express how much I love you, and how you are CHOSEN!! Though your little life started out rough, I am so grateful for your birth parents who gave you life. God designed for our lives to be lived together and I could not be happier. I am far from perfect, I make so many mistakes...but I will always love you. You will never be alone, you have been chosen and designed to be mine...I LOVE YOU!!!!"

Okay, so I should have warned you that I'm very emotional this week. I'm going to attempt to post the slideshow I made a long while ago, of my trip to Hong Kong to get Yan...and some other pics. If it doesn't work, I'll post later. Much love! Jenn

http://www.dotphoto.com/go.asp?l=jenncslp&SID=142742&Show=Y&p=

Fall Pics and such!

2008-10-31T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in writing...I thought Yan was better, then she got it again...she finally seems to be getting over it now. We were able to go to a fun party at "My Gym" (the fabulous kids fitness center where Yan takes classes. Miss Stacey is her wonderful teacher (dressed like the "Fairy for a Cure") and will also be her coach for the Special Olympics Gymnastics team that will start in January.) We also went "Trunk or Treating" with our friends Charles, Rebecca, Zara, Zena and Zola. Yan LOVED it!! She was so excited to collect all the goodies. The crazy thing is she just does not love candy. She's only had one piece. (I wish I could say the same ;-)

We welcomed fall by baking a "Fall Cake"...see, I can give a reason to bake a cake any day. Aside from pouring and mixing, Yan helped with the sprinkles. There were some yummy pieces that contained at least an inch of sprinkles on them...yummmmmy!

And then, you'll notice the Christmas in Kmart pictures. "You know your mom is an online toy seller...when you're comfortable posing for Christmas pictures in Kmart while shopping." Oy...should be a fun season!

A fine time to talk

2008-10-25T18:48:00.001-07:00

Thank you for the prayers, Yan is starting to feel better and I'm enjoying her peppy little personality. With me (though not with others much) she is also trying to talk sooooooo much! I love it! I'm amazed how many words she gets out, especially through songs.

I was reminded today that this can cause problems. We went to the store and I was backing out of a parking place some guy lost his patience and tried to swerve and speed behind me. I was not happy. I said, "JERK"! All the sudden I heard this little voice pipe up, "ZERK". Oops...I had to explain and apologize...geesh, of all the times to imitate me! :-)

I have some pics to post; hopefully I will have a chance to do it tomorrow!

Hugs!

Today

2008-10-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the prayers...it has been a horrible day. Yan is off the charts sensory wise and the Dr. had to get a look at her ears and throat today-which also involved cleaning out her ears and swabbing her throat for strep. It took three people to hold her down and she went crazy. She burst blood vessels all over her face (see picture).

Strep was negative, she has an ear infection and some other viral infection causing the rash. They also went ahead and did her shots. I usually am okay with doing what needs to be done, but I've just cried today because I feel horrible that she is so scared and so sensitive and I don't really know what to do. We've gone to see an OT for sensory issues, but she doesn't show these symptoms in a typical setting...pretty soon there will be a day that she can't be held down. I just wonder if some of the issues will ever clear up-I'm very scared and sad for her right now. Signing off for crying...thank you for the prayers...I know compared to so many things this is not big, but I'm really struggling with how to help her.

Something is off...

2008-10-20T15:30:00.001-07:00

We're having a REALLY rough day today...and we've had several within the last couple of weeks. Yan has literally cried for 30-45 minutes at a time, over and over again. She's not eating much, she's taking naps, and as of 2 hours ago she has a rash spreading all over her. We're going to the Dr. in the morning (unless she starts crying again tonight and then we'll go the ER like they said)...but if you can spare some prayers we would appreciate it!

Thanks! Jenn

Reasons why I'm tired, or a record of the week!

2008-10-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

So, maybe my new plan should be just to get one good post in a week...perhaps I could meet that goal. It's been a busy one folks. Yan has had me hopping lately.

About a week ago she decided to try climbing up on the table. I have no idea why, but I was startled by a large thud and screams. She seemed like she was really hurt and continued to cry for a long time. This is unusual for her, so I checked her over really well (I thought) and found nothing. She finally settled down and we went to gymnastics. She was fine the next day, but the following morning woke up and signed "help" when trying to put on her glasses. I thought her hair was just caught and tried to get them on her. Then I felt something sticky in her hair and wondered what she got into...thinking it was food, I went to pick it out until I saw blood everywhere. Here her glasses had sliced the top of her ear when she fell off the table...I felt HORRIBLE!!! With her long, dark hair I had totally missed it. That sealed the deal, no mommy of the year award this year. Can I tell you how happy I will be when she communicates exactly what is wrong??? It ended up getting infected and so she had to go on antibiotics to clear it up and go without glasses for several days. But, the good news is...it looks good now!

We've also been battling those first colds of the season right now as well. Thankfully hers cleared up with the meds...mine not so much. Still trying to sleep it off, which reminds me I need to go to bed soon!

Later in the week I decided that it would be fun to have Yan and Baby A paint pumpkins. I don't know what exactly I was thinking when I gave the 15 month old and Yan a paintbrush at the same time, but I can tell you that poison control was called before the end of the painting session (thank the Lord that the kids paints are really nontoxic) and a dual bath was given. However, they LOVED it!

We made a trip to Chick-Fil-A this week before gymnastics. Yan was very thrilled that she finally got to meet "THE COW". He was gigantic and she kept running over to hug him. I was thrilled that she was not scared. Yeah Yan!!

Today we had an eventful time as well. I had to run in to the bank at Publix and ended up seeing a friend. Because I wasn't really shopping I didn't have a cart, and Yan has been doing so much better about staying with me that I didn't think I would need one. However, I started to chat with the friend and Yan started to wander. She came back and then would wander but come back again. All of the sudden she didn't come back. I couldn't see her, I realized she ran to the front and panic struck. I was pacing the front of the store, then ran to the parking lot, then ran back in. By this point the friend, a manager and I were all looking. The manager said, "Well, we can page her". I explained that she would most likely not answer the page! She said, if you don't find her right away we're closing down the store for a "Code Adam". Thankfully, Lisa, my friend found her and was headed down the aisle towards me! Does she know how many new grey hairs will sprout up tomorrow morning??? Oy!

After that, we went to a "Special Olympics" open house. Yan will be eligible to participate in January. She may start with gymnastics because wonderful Miss Stacey (her gymnastics teacher) is the coach. But man, those other athletes looked so much older compared to her! It was heartwarming to see so many people, some with different abilities, some not...playing, laughing and just being together.

So, here's the best part...the pics. Oh, and I thought I would throw in a couple extras. "Dress-Up" is still one of Yan's favorite activities, as is twirling...enjoy!!

The making of an artist!

2008-10-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

I am so behind in posts. I've tried to upload more pics and videos, but they don't seem to work...here's another attempt. Life has just been busy lately and I haven't been able to keep up with everything. I thought I would try and post our "work" from yesterday. A friend, Kelly, blogged about her daughter drawing people and I realized that Yan and I really hadn't worked on people yet. So we took some time yesterday to learn how to draw a basic (circle/line) person. Yan LOVED it! She kept going and going until I had 16+ drawings. I loved seeing the progression.

So here, I present to you...the artist and her art. (Please do not be worried about the lack of smiles...I'm sure they will get "happier" with time. :-)

Random thoughts and happenings

2008-09-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

Life has just been busy lately. I'm now taking care of two little babies now...they are keeping me busy, but are so sweet and fun. Yan LOVES them! She cracks me up because she covers them in hugs and kisses.

We've had a busy week. Right now I'm eagerly waiting word that some friends in Texas are okay. I so want to hear from them! Praying for them!

We also had a big scare Thursday night. I was so pleased to run into Angie ("Bring the Rain" Angie) at our post office. We had some time to chat and the girls were running around playing. Yan seemed fine and happy. We left to head off and do some other errands before gymnastics class. It couldn't have been 10 minutes and I looked over at Yan and her head was starting to bob up and down, she looked sick and then started choking. I was trying to drive and help her (not my brightest idea), but was finally able to stop at a friends house, who kindly met me in her driveway. Yan started choking and finally coughed up huge pieces of apple...which she had eaten about 4 hours prior to the event. Then, she seemed fine. But later in the evening ended up choking several other times. Very weird and scary for mommy. Needless to say, she slept right next to me that night.

(Okay, mommy bragging ahead...you've been warned.) You know, I'm constantly amazed by some of the things that she does. This week she astounded me. We went to kroger to do a bunch of shopping and came home. Lately, she has been trying to help unload the grocery bags and has just set things on the counters. Well, this week she decided to unload them, and put them all away in their proper spots. She knew that the cold ones went in the fridge and even knew to put the squeeze margarine and parmesean in the side hanger inside the refrigerator door. I was AMAZED!

She also cracked me up over a bit of a communication frustration this week. I have been trying to point out the different kinds of sports that we see when we drive around. We regularly pass a baseball and soccer field and a group of kids that play football. I tell her what sport it is and how they play (well, maybe not in "official" terminology, but in my "non-sporty" version). Well Thursday we passed the football kids and she was listening and enjoying watching them. Friday, she started playing ball in the house (with a little blue whiffle ball). She was trying some new "moves" and I thought was just being silly. She kept putting her foot on top of the ball and pointing. I was watching, but didn't get it. She kept doing it over and over and clicking for me to look. I finally said, "What are you trying to show me? I don't understand". She blurted out " FOOT ...BALL!" :-) I roared with laughter and she was so pleased that she got her point across. What a smart girl!! I love her!

Have to run...Sesame is over! Love to all!

Today's Twilight Zone Events

2008-09-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to upload videos of Yan...but alas, I can not get them to work. So tonight you get this story from a very wild afternoon! :-)

Did you ever have something happen and you end up sitting there saying, "This really isn't happening to me...please make it stop"?! Today, that was me.

I had some bloodwork come back bad and the Dr. wanted me to go in again to repeat it. Yan and I went in to the Dr's office and there were a bunch of people waiting for the same thing. I got behind this older gentleman (and well I don't know how to say it nicely) who was apparently off his rocker. He was probably in his 60's, had no teeth, had black shades inside his glasses and most likely had a hearing impairment because he screamed everything. (I'm not making fun of him, just trying to paint the picture).

Yan immediately went to sit down while I waited in line and started her moaning. The man in front of me startled me by turning around and screaming, "Is that YOUR kid?" Well, ya'll know how I've been wanting to give it back to some people lately, so I yelled back, "Yeah, WHY?" He yelled, "I just wondered, I didn't say it was anything bad!".

Then I sat down to wait and of course he sat down directly across from me. He started (yelling) to ask her age, grade and where we lived. Then he would randomly get up and switch chairs. Well, Miss Yan so wants to love everybody-she got away from me and went to hug him. (It is seriously a problem that I am working on because it's just not safe). Well, he was shocked and yelled, "What's she doing?" (Please keep in mind that everyone is staring and trying not to laugh.) I explained that she just wanted to give him a hug and he gruffed, "Well, I guess that's nice".

Then out of the blue he asks, "Are you seeing anyone?" (Note to self-the conversation went all downhill from there) I'm trying to mumble things about how I'm interested in someone (cause you know...there's George Clooney and stuff, but of course, I never think to lie).

Well, Yan must have sensed the shift in the conversation because she suddenly decided that she was a tiger and started to get up, walk over to the man and growl at him. So I'm mumbling about my love interests, Yan is growling to the point of not being able to speak over her...and the man yells out of the blue, "So, you think we could start seeing each other?" To which I said "Noooooo". He said, "Why not?" I said, "I'm really not interested."

At that point everyone in the room who were trying to ignore it, turned their heads to start laughing (which was so wrong because I was ready to lose it). I had to pin Yan in the chair because she was growling so loudly the man started yelling at her to "Calm down MONKEY". Everytime he spoke she growled again and got louder. He finally said, "That's ridiculous!" and got up to go yell at the nurses. OY!

Hilarious!

2008-08-31T21:19:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Jill for having this on her blog...

Do you think I should use it for potty training???

http://www.tricklife.com/view.php?id=518

In other news...I'm a very happy camper about the McCain pick for Vice Prez...go PALIN!!!

In non-political news, Yesterday, Yan and I babysat for some friends so that they could go to little Anna's funeral. We got to watch their newly adopted daughter, Claire...she is awesome. They also have a new, adorable dog named Lucy. Have I mentioned how much Yan LOVES animals? I seriously have to figure out a way to get her one. She was all over that dog. Petting him, kissing him, holding him (yikes, I know ;-). When we sat down to lunch it seemed like Yan was eating a lot faster than normal. Then I realized that when I turned to eat, her handful of sandwich was going down underneath the table. Needless to say, Lucy enjoyed lunch. My daughter!

Reason for heartbreak

2008-08-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

I didn't know whether I should post or not earlier, but have decided to so that others can lift this family up in prayer.

One area that we are so richly blessed with here is the wonderful adoption community. Everywhere I turn I get to see little ones with their families through the miracle of adoption.

However, when tragic situations hit-it is hard on the whole adoption community. It seems that recently there have been many situations and losses, that leave us wondering why. Recently a family just moved to town. They had adopted a beautiful daughter from China who is now 5 and 2 months ago were able to bring their second wonderful daughter home, age 2, also from China.

Little Anna was full of life and a true gift from God. She had a known heart condition, but the family knew this and was armed with a medical team to help her. Monday Anna went in for a "routine" heart catheritization procedure...unfortunately her little heart had a lot more damage than anyone knew...things went bad and they lost Anna on the table for 45 minutes. They were able to revive her and had her on a bypass machine and life support. Wednesday afternoon they ran tests and found that the neurological damage done was extensive...they removed her from life support and she passed away about 10 minutes later in her mommy's arms.

My heart is breaking for them for the loss of their Angel. They began a prayer blog that also has posts from Anna's amazing mom, Jo. http://prayingforanna.blogspot.com/

Please lift them up in your prayers as they walk through this painful journey. Please pray that Anna's life will be a legacy and catalyst for other children to come home and for Christ to draw them to Himself. Thank you.

Fun times...

2008-08-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

What I thought she was doing: Playing quietly with her toys.

What she was really doing: Covering the kitchen floor with a whole bottle of Elmer's glue 2 minutes before the appraiser for the new landlord arrived.

Fun times.

Heartbroken...

2008-08-27T19:41:00.000-07:00

I'm heartbroken tonight over another local tragedy. There seems to be so much going wrong with so many people. I keep telling myself that part of it is that everyone is so connected by the computer. When anything happens (good or bad) we can find out about it within seconds. The problem is sometimes we can feel like everyone else's problems are our own...and we start to bear the weight of it all. God doesn't give us the grace to handle everyone else's issues...I just need to learn to take it to Him and not try to "fix" everything I come into contact with. (It's a lifelong problem that I have.)

On the tragic note...please just pray, God knows who is involved. I will post more when I'm able.
Jenn

Yan Happenings

2008-08-26T19:29:00.001-07:00

We have had some busy days lately. I thought I would share a few pictures. On Saturday I had to attend a continuing education class all morning. Yan was able to go to our friend's house, the Dorris', who have three fabulous girls from China-Zara, Zena and Zola. Yan loves it there! She has gone from apprehension to feeling right at home with Charles, Rebecca and the girls. This Saturday there was a "Dragonboat Festival" downtown...so they all made a trip to check it out. We are so grateful for their friendship and support!

After I got back, we ran some errands and then went to our local "Families with Children from China Ice Cream Social" at the park. After a day of fun, park play and chocolate ice cream, Yan was sacked out and fell asleep on the way home. What a fun, sticky ending to the day.

The next pic was taken today...aren't those the most beautiful "F's" that you have ever seen??? My baby drew those by herself today. Our letter of the week is "F"! I am SOOOOOO proud...she rocks man! :-)

And lastly, the newest daytime member of the family, Alex! He is a cutie and we are enjoying taking care of him. Yan is constantly helping and kissing him (or hiding his lovey behind her back)! So sweet (most of the time)!

Not just any food...cooking with Jenn and Yan!

2008-08-24T09:13:00.001-07:00

Yan and I recently tried our hand at some new recipes lately. One night we made a "Veggie Pizza" and a "Fruit Pizza". The fruit pizza is so yummy and one of my favorites...it consists of a sugar cookie crust, cream cheese, sugar and vanilla mixture for the icing, and any fruit you choose to go on top. Yummmm!

The veggie pizza was new to us, but we had it at our friend Rebecca's house. It consists of a cresent roll base (though next time we will use two packages, because it was a bit thick-lay it flat on a cookie sheet to cook), a block of cream cheese, a small container of sour cream and a package of powdered ranch dressing. Mix it up and put it on the semi cooled, baked crescent roll bottom. Next, take a bag of shredded veggies (like the broccoli/carrot mix you can buy) and sprinkle that on top. Top it off with some shredded cheese and you have a yummy treat. We're actually going to make another one this evening.

The last picture was of a beautiful cantelope...wanna know why it was so special? Well, I GREW IT!!! Woooohoooo, a minor success of my first year gardening. Unfortunately, I did not have as much success with the beans, tomatoes and cucumbers...but it looks like we will have more cantelopes, many pumpkins, and some watermelons very soon! WOOOHOOO!!

Could it be? My dream Christmas???

2008-08-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't won the lottery or anything like that. I don't even know if anyone else thinks about these things...but I am such a Christmas person. I love Christmas...heck, I had a mother who one year left the tree up the whole year, and other years it was nothing if she put it up in July. :-)

When I became a mom I was so excited to make Christmas a magical time in our home. However, Yan had just come home and was still in shock and very overwhelmed. I'll admit I went (slightly ;-) overboard purchasing presents and toys that surrounded the tree. She got up on Christmas morning, opened up a couple things she loved and didn't even want to open the rest. It literally took days to get her to open it all.

I don't want it to be just about the gifts...I want to give her the full meaning of Christmas; but it is just an amazing time of year! I have strong, wonderful memories of being a little girl and thinking constantly of dolls, babies, anything that had to do with being a mommy. I remember walking down the aisle at the newly opened "Toys'r'Us" by "Glenbrook Square" and feeling like I was in doll heaven. I peered up at the shelves that seemed to go on forever and saw nothing but doll accesories. That Christmas it was all about the babies...baby clothes, new dolls, baby accessories. It was amazing!

Which brings me to yesterday's events. I needed to stop at "Toys'r'Us" to look for a toy for amazon.com. Yan was with me and we ran in to look around. During the last few months she has become obsessed with babies (and yes, I am now watching babies for a full-time job that starts Monday-thank you Lord! ;-)...she walked in and saw the aisles of baby stuff and literally started squealing with delight. She was going from one baby thing to another trying to touch them, signing and saying "baby", "awwww", "cry" (there were babies that cried), etc. There was a glimmer in her eyes. Can I just say...it will be a "BABY CHRISTMAS" at the Cullimore house. I get to relive my childhood once again...I cannot wait. 4 months, 4 days until Christmas!! WOOHOOOO!!!

Advice, Tips, Help?

2008-08-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, I love Yan Yan to pieces...all of you should know that by now, if you know me at all! :-) So this is not meant to be negative or a mean post at all. I just wonder if any of my friends might have advice on how to stop what seems to be an unconscious habit? When I first adopted Yan should would grind her teeth almost all the time...it's amazing to me how she makes such a loud sound and yet still has teeth left. Once she became comfortable with her surroundings, it decreased dramatically. Now, it's coming back along with a VERY loud moan as she's concentrating on things. (See video of example) Since we've started doing a lot more schoolwork at the table, I'm really noticing it.

Do you think it will go away as she gets more comfortable with the tasks? The old Dr. at the Down Syndrome clinic referred us for autism testing because of this sound...but then she's completely sociable, interactive after she's done with the intense focus. Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions? I have tried saying, let's stop moaning and she will-until she starts to focus again. Just wondered what you would do? Thanks!! Jenn

The Olympics

2008-08-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

I've fallen behind in my blogging...partially because in the evenings I have been glued to the Olympics. I must admit, I really enjoy (most) of them. I've also enjoyed seeing so many fascinating blurbs about China (some good, some sad).

Yan has enjoyed watching many of the events as well. She cheers almost non-stop. I taped a little blurb of her watching diving this evening. Hope you enjoy it!

We've had lots of happenings here at home. I had a brand new job that I thought I was going to start (at an elementary school-Yan was going to attend as well). However, it fell through...one of those, huh?, why? moments. So, I'm regrouping a bit and have begun to offer full-time child care from home. I think it will be good, at least for this season. I've also begun homeschooling Yan-she is enjoying our "school" time.

I love that homeschooling allows me to really give her what she needs, when she needs it. Tonight we were working on letters, she was trying...but literally would stare at the letter for 30 seconds to a minute before she could remember the name of it. I just waited and was amazed at how many she got correct!! I'm praying that it's a wonderful year for her...hopefully she will be reading a bit by the end of it. :-)

How Cool is this...

2008-08-06T14:21:00.001-07:00

Make your own (tons of styles) at photofunia.com

Trying pics AGAIN!

2008-08-05T09:25:00.001-07:00

The bottom two pics are from VSBS...one of Wheat and Yan playing bean bag toss, and one of Yan and Wheat's daughter, Emmy. Then the top one is of Yan doing what she loves lately...dressing up like her pal Barney! ;-)

Brain in overdrive!

2008-08-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

There are some days that I am simply amazed by Yan's problem solving abilities and skills...today was one of them. I fully admit that on some things I give her a bit more freedom than I possibly should...but I'm always nearby...and honestly I love seeing what she comes up with.

This morning she apparently woke up and thought she was 16 years old and at least 5 feet tall. She woke up early and came to my room. I was (mostly) awake, but couldn't yet drag myself out of bed. The first thing Yan did, as she almost always does, was to go around and turn on the lights. Well, today the hallway light burnt out...it blew right as she turned it on. She ran back to my room and said, "SORRY"...she's so cute, she didn't know it wasn't her fault. Then, my dear daughter went and got my camera, she took one picture of my office, then went out in the hallway and took a picture of the light that burnt out (why, I'm still not sure, but apparently she was very bothered by the light). Next, I heard clanging metal...she went into the laundry room, and drug out the step ladder to the hallway where she was trying to set it up to change the lightbulb. I stepped in at this point. :-) Though she often doesn't know her limitations, you gotta give the girl props for trying! I love her!

This evening she chose to not use her planning skills for good. We had finished dinner and I was sitting on the couch looking at a new "Super Duper" catalog that came in the mail today. She came over to see it, but decided she didn't want anyone to see it and tried to take it away. I told her no, and kept looking. She resumed her play and about 10 minutes later the phone rang. I went to go get the phone and the moment that I was out of the room, she dropped what she was doing, grabbed the catalog on the couch and threw it on the ground...naughty! I still love her!

I know this was a random, tidbits of the day post...but that's all I've got today! Love! Jenn
Oh, and the pics...they are not uploading...I'll have to try again tomorrow.

The BEST Vacation Bible School EVER!

2008-08-01T18:49:00.001-07:00

Some of you may remember my frustration when I found out that one of the local churches wouldn't allow Yan into VBS because she still uses pull-ups. I'm sure that it was more than the pull-ups that they were afraid of. After that incident I found out about a wonderful program at nearby "Christ Presbyterian Church". Every year they host a "Very Special Bible School"...let me tell you, it is the BEST EVER!!!

It is one thing when you are looking for people that will 1) Include your child with special needs. 2) Be attentive, kind, patient and take care of your child with special needs. But it takes it to a whole new level when a group of people feel excited and blessed to work with your child with special needs! As a parent, I feel blessed to be with Yan on a daily basis. To me she radiates God's perfection, joy and happiness. But, it's really hard to find others who will take the time to get to know her and see the same joy in her.

When we arrived at our first morning of VSBS, we were greeted by Yan's assigned special helper, Wheat. Wheat is a totally caring, joyful young woman. When I came to pick her up she said, "Do you know what a blessing Yan was to me today?" :-) She tried to learn some signs, just because she thought it would let Yan know that she loved her and that she was trying to understand what she was saying. She has told me positive after positive thing about what Yan has done everyday...it has been a breath of fresh air. Wheat is a gem!! If you're reading this Wheat, we love you!

I'm sad that it ends tomorrow, but am so glad that we found out more about the ministries that the church provides. We will be back! I also feel blessed that I've finally met several moms in the area that all have children with Down Syndrome. I'm grateful that God has spoken to churches like this and that they are reaching out to be the hands and feet of Christ!

Pictures posted are: Yan and Wheat (Yan was not interested in looking...I've got to try and get a better picture of them tomorrow). And a glimpse of our days...how many times to you push your stroller full of pull-ups with no pants and a cowgirl hat on roller skates? :-)

Yan's test results!

2008-07-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post an update for everyone that prayed for Yan's tests. I just got off the phone with the neurologist...they did not catch any seizures during the test (which they really didn't think because she appears to have them very infrequently). However, they noted some "Slow posterior background"...which means some slower brain activity during the resting phase. He said that this is typical of kids with Down Syndrome or other developmental delays.

He said, they could either proceed with admitting her to the hospital for a 48-72 hour test (yeah, cause that would be so much fun), but that since they are coming so infrequently they could still not get anything. If they found them present they would recommend medication. So, he/I opted to monitor. I just don't think that I want to put her through that again, and I don't really want to try medication for something this infrequent. I hope that is the right decision...I guess I will just have to wait and see. Thanks for the prayers!:

Smarty Pants!

2008-07-29T20:08:00.001-07:00

Tonight Yan and I were doing a puzzle...it was a weird "lock" puzzle and you had to figure out how to open and shut various locks to see the picture underneath. She was opening all of them and then wanted me to count them with her. She used to count with me all the time; but has lately been pointing and just wanting me to count. She started switching things around and pointing different ways after I had said, "One, two..." so I just stopped to see if she wanted me to stop. She looked at me with this "Hello, c'mon mom, we've been through this a thousand times" look and said "THREE"! :-) Love her!!

Must. Get. Sleep!!!

2008-07-28T05:38:00.000-07:00

Oh, it was one of "those" nights. I tossed and turned in bed until I finally fell asleep at about 12:30, then woke up every hour after that. Then, my darling daughter decided to wake up (and not go back to sleep) at 4:00am...I.am.sooooooooo.tired.

I have an interview this morning, then an appointment with a consignment sale this afternoon, then we're supposed to start a short VBS this evening. I'll be honest, I don't know that we'll make it this evening.

I tried to get Yan back to sleep this morning (of course now that it's time to get ready and go she keeps signing "sleep, sleep" ;-) and let her crawl into bed with me. Do you know how babies will put their hands up and touch your face to kind of "explore"you. Well, this morning, while lying in the dark, Yan just put her hands up and ran them all over my face, then leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. What a pumpkin! I love her to pieces...even if she does exhaust me sometimes! I'm blessed!

Our Special Shopping Trip

2008-07-25T07:29:00.001-07:00

I meant to post last night, but was too tired. Yesterday "Harris Teeter" (local grocery store) started triple coupons for three days (they do it about once every three months and triple up to 99 cents...so you can save mega dough).

Anyway, Yan and I were making our rounds and were going down an aisle. I was pushing the cart out of the aisle as a woman came and blocked me, at first I thought she was with a friend and they were bantering, but then realized that they were in the middle of the fight. Their discourse went like this:

Woman 1: You better BACK OFF and stop following me!
Woman 2: Oh no, cause I'm PRESSING CHARGES!

Then I see taser in woman 2's hands...it then occurs to me to finally back off and get away before Yan or I get hurt. Thankfully a manager came out a back door and was able to "assist them". Alledgedly, woman 1 ran into woman 2 with her cart-leaving a mark. So woman 2 whipped out her taser and fired it at woman 1's cart...thankfully getting the cart and not the woman.
Does it scare anyone else that people are carrying tasers with them to bargain shop???? Geesh, I'll be careful who I run my carts into from now on! :-)

Yan's Day 'O' Mall Fun!

2008-07-23T10:46:00.000-07:00

Since I had to go to the mall for the haircut, I figured we could make a day of it. Some wonderful friends sent Yan a gift card for "Build-A-Bear" a couple of months ago...but we hadn't had a chance to use it. So, she got to go and pick out a creature. She picked out an elephant, and named him (big shocker) "Barney Cullimore" (okay I added the Cullimore, she just constantly says "Barney". She had a great time stuffing him, giving him a heart and an elephant sound, and a very thorough airbath. She loves him!

While going down the see through elevator, we saw a huge speedboat that they had on display in the mall. I kept saying, "Look at that boat". She was ooohing and ahhhing. Then when we got out, she ran to the boat and said clearer than ever, "SEE THAT BOAT"!! I was so proud-a 3 word phrase...so, I made her pose there too!

Then we went to ride the carousel at the mall and play on the indoor playground. She had a blast and was literally so happy that she skipped and bounced from place to place! Thought I'd share a few of the pics! Thanks for looking!

Remembering...

2008-07-21T08:38:00.001-07:00

Today would have been my parents 35th Anniversary. Tomorrow is the 9th anniversary of my dad's death. Days like today are still hard. It's amazing to me that it's been so long, some days it just feels like yesterday. Some days it feels like decades. But after all this time, I still miss mom and dad so much. I would give most anything to sit over coffee with them one more time...to watch them meet and play with their grandchildren. To just give them one more hug and kiss and tell them that I love them.

If your parents are around...no matter what-let them know that you love them.

My little Fighter!

2008-07-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

My daughter is a fighter...I realize that this is what helped get her through open heart surgery and so many other situations and will probably take her far in life; but today, it has worn me out. We went for the EEG this morning. I had told that dr. that she would not be cooperative, but no, he said that the nurses are great and used to it-they would take care of it.

2 hours of almost solid kicking and screaming. She was wrapped in 3 blankets, had 3 people holding her (I was one) and she still managed to get her hands out the top. By the end of it, she had like an abrasion on the top from thrashing her head on the towel, and had burst blood vessels all over her face from screaming. She finally stopped screaming and they were able to do the strobe light part and the quiet part, but she would never go to sleep.

This was not some rinky dink hospital...this was Vanderbilt Children's...the nurse looked at me and said, "Who knew that one 7 year old LITTLE girl could be so strong?" and then said, "I don't mean this in a bad way, but she is THE worst patient that I have EVER had! NEVER let them schedule another test without sedation!" :-(

She is so sensitive to every touch and every move-I feel like a horrible mom for making her go through it-but it was not painful. I try not to ask them to sedate her because of her heart condition; but will have to from now on. I'm going to go give her a bath, because she's covered in electrode glue, and then we are going to bed!

Swimming, Summer busy-ness and more tests!

2008-07-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a crazy busy time around here. It seems we have been running hither and yon lately. However, we have enjoyed lots of summer fun. Last Saturday, we had a blast at a neighbor's cook-out and pool party. Yan has grown fond of their big pool and swam for a quite a while (she even tackled the slide into the pool...as long as I was in the pool catching her ;-) After swimming for a while, then eating, she went inside to cool off. Before I knew it, she had 5 grown adults (yes, I was one of them) upstairs in the playroom holding hands, singing "Ring Around the Rosie", "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "I'm a Little Teapot". I was cracking up! She's just a magnet for joy!

I didn't get any pool pics that day, but did take a short video of her in her little blow-up pool. Excuse all the background noise, we don't live in the middle of the interstate, as it might seem...but it certainly is close-by and loud!! I will try to get a "talking" video this week...Yan is saying so many 2-3 word phrases to me, I love it!!!

Yan is going in next Friday for an EEG to try to determine if she is having mini seizures. If you can keep her in your prayers, that would be great! Have a great day! Jenn

Little Miss Smarty Pants!

2008-07-04T17:21:00.001-07:00

I know it's not a huge deal-but it delights me to no end when I see Yan thinking and planning things.

This evening I was fixing dinner, and she was watching a recent found treasure from a ts for the first time, "Elmo's World". It ended and I was trying to get her washed up for dinner, but she was running around trying to gather things. I know when this happens, she has some "plan" and try to at least let her complete it if we're not rushed. She gathered her piano, wastebasket and snowglobe and brought them out to the living room one by one. I didn't get it-until it was all set up...then I was cracking up!!! She is too funny!

The cover of Elmo:

Her set-up:

Today's reason why I'm turning grey at the age of 33!

2008-06-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

Took Yan in for her last day of testing today. I had planned on coming home, but then realized we were later than planned and we were both hungry. So, we decided to stop and eat some fast food. I got our food, sat down at the table, ate for a while then needed something from the counter. I said, "Yan, sit right here-I am going to go get something from the counter". I could totally see her from where I was standing and she just sat there quietly eating. Then a lady at the counter went to help me and I turned around for less than a minute. Turned back around, Yan was GONE! Quickly scoured the restaurant, not there, went out to the playground, not there. Ran back inside was completely in a panic...others started to notice. I'm asking, "Have you seen my daughter?" At least I can say, "She's Chinese with Down Syndrome"...let's face it, it's descriptive. People start getting up to help me look when all of the sudden, guess who walks out of the men's bathroom with her skirt stuck in her pull-up?! How in the world??!!! Bad mommy, no turning around!

On a side note, thanks for the thoughts from some of you guys on the recent tough times. Thank you Tina for calling-I cannot wait to meet you and Izzy next week! Things have improved some, but just praying that they continue to. We've also recently begun new therapies and though they will be very beneficial in the long-term, it's always hard to get into a new schedule and groove. I appreciate the continued prayers!! Hugs! Jenn

Just what I needed-for all the parents out there...

2008-06-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

This week has been one of the hardest ones ever. I'm just at a breaking point in so many areas-and I feel like unless God just supernaturally intervenes, all will be lost. I'm not going to write it all on here-but I did vent a bunch to some on-line sisters yesterday. One of them posted this for me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgG7YlY-IF0

Of course, I sat here sobbing. So-enjoy...especially for all the mama's out there right now!

Jenn

Doing things the hard way!

2008-06-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but God has some creative ways of speaking to me. He tends to use Emily Yan a lot to show me little insights about myself. This has been a liberating and freeing thing, because before Yan came into my life-I truely don't think I knew what unconditional love was. No matter what she does or how many times she does it, I totally love her and am still head over heels crazy about her. This is comforting, because I know I'm imperfect in my love-but God must totally delight over me.

Anyways, back to my story. Tonight I tried once again to make a new meal that Yan would eat. The child must be out to prove that someone can exist on milk and goldfish crackers for like a year at a time. I tried nachos tonight...yummy, right? Chips, beef, beans, cheese-no go folks. She only would eat the chips. It's been years since I had nachos, so I enjoyed them. I let her keep munching on her chips, put in a Sesame Street and went to my office to do a little work.

Lately, I've been trying to sit in my office and wait until she gets me after a video or activity is done. I want her to ask for help, communicate, something...just to try to get her to interact with me. I heard her get up and move, but just waited to see if she would ask for help. Well, I sat for a while and kept hearing the trash lid open and shut, her move, and then sigh and huff. This kept happening over and over and over again-but the sighs were getting a little louder. Finally I couldn't resist seeing what she was doing. I walked out in the kitchen and she had the plate of chip pieces on the floor (you know when there are 100's of little pieces left at the bottom of the bag?). She was taking one piece at time, standing up, opening the trash can (the automatic opener just recently broke), throwing that piece away and then bending down starting all over again. At the rate she was going, it would have taken a couple hours to throw away all the leftover pieces. I looked at her and said, "Would you like help?" She nodded. I opened the trash, dumped the whole plate and she cheered.

How many times do I look just like her? Trying to pick up my teeny, tiny pieces and take care of them? I know the goal, but can't see a better way, a more efficient way, a wiser way-and I do not want to ask for help? Thank God, that He steps in, takes over and cleans things up quickly. Now...if I could only learn to always ask before I even waste time trying to do things my way!

It's Father's Day...

2008-06-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's Father's Day again. I don't think too many dads read my blog...but Happy Father's Day to all of you out there. God says that He is a Father to the fatherless-and I cling to that, especially on days like this. I miss my dad! I miss the man that was like a dad to me! I miss chats over coffee, big hugs, I miss simply being someone's daughter. I wish that Yan had the connection too...a grandpa, someone to dote over her, spoil her and think she was the greatest little one on the face of the planet. It's just one of those hard days!

Slivers of God's goodness!

2008-06-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'm trying really hard to look on the bright side of things. I'm not saying this takes away any of the pain, grief or sadness...but it does highlight that God still uses things for His glory. Within one week of Maria Chapman's death-over $310,000 in donations for adopting orphans had been given. The number is going up daily. That means, based on an average that "Shoahannah's Hope" gives to families to adopt-that over 77,000 orphans will be helped in coming home!!! Yeah God!
On another note, the family is still struggling emotionally, definite prayers are still needed!

A Big Milestone!!

2008-06-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

Yan was watching a Barney and eating some goldfish and I was working on the computer. She suddenly came in to see me and at first Ithought there were just goldfish all over her mouth. Then I realized that goldfish do not leave red marks and soon it dawned on my that there was blood coming out of her mouth. Being the calm, cool and collective mom that I am...I freaked. I was like, "What happened to you? Did you fall? How did I miss that? Then I inspected her mouth and found that my baby girl lost (and swallowed) her first tooth! :-)The new one already pushed in behind it. After I stopped freaking, she stopped sobbing (we're a great pair) and is now sooooo excited. She keeps saying "too" (tooth) and sticking her tongue out the hole. How do they grow up so fast?!!!!

Need to post something good now...

2008-05-28T20:28:00.001-07:00

so here is my little Asian beauty!!! :-)

Didn't mean for this to be venting week...

2008-05-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

but this stopped me in my tracks!! And people wonder why I homeschool???

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/05/27/earlyshow/main4130288.shtml

If you are as outraged as I am, feel free to send all the board members an email. Their email addresses are:

[email]HensleyK@stlucie.k12.fl.us[/email] <HensleyK@stlucie.k12.fl.us>, [email]IngersollT@stlucie.k12.fl.us[/email] <IngersollT@stlucie.k12.fl.us>, [email]MillerJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us[/email] <MillerJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us>, [email]CarvelliJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us[/email] <CarvelliJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us>, [email]HilsonC@stlucie.k12.fl.us[/email] <HilsonC@stlucie.k12.fl.us>, [email]webmastr@stlucie.k12.fl.us[/email] <webmastr@stlucie.k12.fl.us>

A Vent and a note to all Churches!

2008-05-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm just venting...I have been a bit stressed out lately and just feel like I need a little time to myself right now. I love being with Yan, I love homeschooling, I would not want it any other way-but sometimes I need a break too.

So, I was really excited when I saw that a little church right down the street from us is scheduled to have Vacation Bible School next week. It is for ages 4 through 4th grade. Well, I called and asked about getting Yan in. They said, "Well, you would want to stay with her, right?" I said, no-she is fine going into the church nursery alone. But then they informed me, they are not "equipped" to deal with pull-ups. So, yep-since she is not all the way potty trained, she can't go. If our churches cannot change a pull-up the odds of us changing the world are very slim! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

Churches, take note!! Do you really want to change the world? Start by helping those in your own congregations and communities who have special needs! Do you know how many parents of kids with special needs don't attend because of the way they are treated and not supported? The numbers are staggering! These families need help! They need support! They need to see that Jesus does care about them...just because they can't be involved in every activity...just because they cannot serve on every committee or go on every retreat (because they can't leave their child with just anyone)...they still need to see Jesus!

This really angers me and breaks my heart-mainly because it is so far from the heart of Christ. Christ always reached out to those in need. He hugged the children, He healed the sick, He was "all about" the weak...and yet we shun them. We make them feel like they are outcasts.... Something is incredibly wrong with this picture!

2008-05-25T18:35:00.000-07:00

Well, Yan is finally letting me take videos of her-and I'm completely taking advantage of it! Before, I would get the camera out and she would instantly drop what she was doing to come look at the camera with me. :-) So, enjoy lots of short video clips! Hugs, Jenn

Tonight...

2008-05-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went to the visitation for Maria Sue Chapman. Though it was a long wait (they are very loved) it was good to at least give everyone a hug. I was a proud mama as I watched Yan go to everyone (well at least she jumped into the arms of all the men) and give them great big hugs. It makes me beam to watch the joy that springs from her and I am so glad that I am her mom!

Please, please, please continue to pray for the Chapman's. I'm honestly tearing up again just thinking about the pain they have to endure. I went through so much grief losing mom and dad and I would never wish that on anyone...but to have it be your child, your 5 year old sister-that's just unimaginable. I just feel like standing in the gap, praying for them is what we need to do. As a Christian I feel like satan would love nothing more than to destroy a family like this...stop the message of Christ from reaching others, stop the children from being saved from other countries.... And that just infuriates me. I just pray that through this their message is not lost, and hope is not forgotten. I will continue to pray!! Will you?

On a side note, there was a wonderful meeting tonight...I got to meet Angie and Todd from this fabulous blog: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ I got to hug Angie in person and it felt like she was an old friend. You can see the love of Christ beaming from her and it is wonderful to see peace in the midst of her grieving process. Our prayers continue to be with her and her family.

Jenn

Please Pray...

2008-05-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

We are totally heartbroken over the loss that the Chapman family has endured this week. Maria Sue Chapman went to be with Jesus on May 22nd after a tragic accident in the families driveway. Please lift them up in your prayers! While I'm sure it is good to have a lot of support, it has to be difficult to grieve in the public eye. Just pray that God's peace, comfort and protection surrounds them and that satan gains no footholds through this difficult time.

Jenn

A Yan Yan video clip!!!!

2008-05-13T20:07:00.000-07:00

Yan is trying her hardest to say new words daily. So on Mother's Day I decided to try and get a clip of her saying a few of her favorites. Hopefully it will show up right.

http://s232.photobucket.com/albums/ee96/jcullimore/?action=view&current=100_0134.flv

Jenn

Giving Up Expectations...

2008-04-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for a bit; honestly it's been a rough couple of weeks. But after watching a video about a little angel that I previously posted about http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
(Warning, get kleenex) I just felt like I should write. It seems no matter where I turn, God continues to show me that His plans are so different from mine. That no matter how hard I try not to have "expectations"-of people, events, milestones, success, etc., they are still there deep inside me. And that until I let go of all of it, I will still struggle with disappointment, getting offended, upset, angry and will not be "resting" in Him the way that He has intended.

Last week we went for an annual visit to the "Down Syndrome Clinic". I am grateful that we can go and get many appointments out of the way at one and see up to 9 specialists in one day; however, it can be overwhelming. During this particular day we had to do a lot of waiting...as in it took 5 hours to see 4 specialists. I was tired and Yan was completely over the whole thing. Needless to say, she zoned out and before we left the clinic I had specialists telling me that they were concerned, were referring to a psychiatrist and on top of the -Down Syndrome, Congenital Heart Disease, Sensory Integration Disorder and Attachment Disorder, they thought she now might have Autism. AHHHHHH! I lost it! I know that she has issues, I know that she has obstacles that we must conquer-but by golly, do we need another freaking label????

I've since calmed down and have been reminded that she is exactly who she is meant to be. But I must continually hit my knees and ask God to transfer this knowledge from my head to my heart and to free me from any of my own expectations.

Jenn

One of those "Why" Times

2008-04-08T19:44:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but I can get caught up in reading blogs and lose total track of time. I've also been blessed to be a part of several on-line forums where I have met fabulous people who have become wonderful, real-life friends. I love being connected to others and I love to keep up with what is going on in their lives.

However, there are times that the rain seems to pour down and you realize that so many people are hurting and suffering. During the past week, through webgroups I've known of 3 little kiddos, ages 2, 2 and newborn, who have all passed away. My heart just aches for their families. I know the pain of grief; but honestly, cannot imagine it being my child.

Some moms on one forum admitted that it is so hard to "give your child over to the Lord". I completely agree. I think as a parent you do everything to protect and guard them. The last thing that we want to do is think of them being taken away. Yet they are not ours. They are gifts, blessings from the Lord and they belong to Him.

I'm praying that God will continue to mold my heart into one that has truely surrendered everything, including Yan. I'm also praying for all these families mourning the loss of their little ones. Jenn

Catching up on Photos

2008-04-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought I would catch up on some photos. Tonight Yan got out her big box of dress-up stuff and had a blast...here are a couple of those pics.

And, the infamous tongue injury. It was the first accident we had as a result of our swingset. The neighbor boy was swinging and she walked right in front of him-it knocked her over. She bit through her tongue all the way in two spots, then it went into her lip-OUCH!!! I felt so bad for her! But, no stiches were needed (Thank you Jesus!!) and it is all better now.

And, we have a beautiful tree in the front yard, that I took some pics of. Enjoy! Hugs to all!

Jenn

More Words!!

2008-04-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

Last night we left gymnastics class (which Yan adores!) and had to stop at CVS to get some allergy meds on the way home. I was debating on whether I should run through McD's to get some food, or be good, and make something at home. I said, should we go get french fries or go home? (1/2 talking to myself) Then I just said, you know what, we can go home and eat. Yan adamantly replied, "NO, CHICKEN!" I was shocked and said, "You want chicken nuggets" and she said, "Yesssssss"! Wooohoooooo...she said "chicken". So, off to the drive thru we went.

I do realize that I'm creating a new problem by giving her all these new goodies that she is finally asking for...but alas, I will deal with that later, because we are having a great word week!!!

Yeah God! Jenn

One Word

2008-03-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

Yan is up way past her bedtime tonight-but for a very good reason. I put a Barney on for her to watch before she went to bed and after it was over she ran into my office. I said, "Yan it's time for you to go to bed". She said, "No". I asked, "Oh, do you want more Barney?", she replied with, "NO, Sesame"!!!! :-) AHHHHHH, music to this mama's ears.

To some a new word is a daily or even hourly occurance...but she has been working on the word "Sesame" (for Sesame Street) for a couple of weeks now. And she finally said it!! I cheered, clapped, praised her for talking and, of course, put on a "Sesame Street"! :-)

You would think that because I'm a Speech Pathologist I would understand how precious words are. I remember a few of my little clients saying their first words and their moms melting into a pile of tears. I was excited for them; I clapped and cheered, but man, I never knew how excited my heart would feel when it was my child struggling to get a word out.

I really and truely am trying to raise Yan without my "expectations". I don't want to limit her, expect too much or too little from her, or miss out on anything God is trying to say to or through her as we go through life. However, no matter how hard I've tried...I still fall short. Somewhere deep in my mind I have thought, well surely Yan will talk. I talk constantly, I'm a Speech path, I've helped other people talk-she just will. But it is probably the thing that is consistently the hardest for her.

I can see the wheels turning in her head as she struggles to make a word or even sound. She has so much to say, but her mouth is still not in sync with her head sometimes. So we will work, wait, pray and rejoice for each little victory! God is good and I'm so glad that I can savor every moment!
Hugs, Jenn

Busy week, gotta see this!

2008-03-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

We've had one busy week and I really need to catch up on things. I'll be sure to blog later about our first swingset injury :-(

However, I was reading another friends blog and saw this you tube video...you've got to see it, it's incredible!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS93Q4jQAO0&feature=related

Catch up soon!
Jenn

He is Risen Indeed!

2008-03-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter!! I hope that you were blessed with a wonderful time to celebrate our Savior's resurrection!

I've been pondering Easter this week and was thinking about how my thoughts about Christ have changed over the years. I think it's interesting how we go through different seasons in life and through them we learn more about Jesus. I remember how I felt the first Christmas and Easter after mom and dad passed away. I was thinking about how are holidays must pale in comparison to theirs, celebrating around the throne of God. We can see only small glimpses of the glory that they bask in on a daily basis. It brought the realization of eternity into a new light for me.

This newer season of motherhood has brought me a deeper understanding of the loss of Mary, and what God gave up when he "...gave His only begotten son". I truely can't imagine the pain of watching your child suffer and die on a cross-knowing that they did no wrong. I completely lose if Yan even gets hurt-I think I would have had to be constrained if I was Mary. I really can't imagine the pain. Then, after experiencing such acute grief, to see Him again-her joy must have been overwhelming.

But what must she have felt when people still didn't believe? Her son gave His life, was humiliated, shamed and killed to save the world-yet some still couldn't and wouldn't believe. What does it say about His sacrifice when someone doesn't believe? Was it not enough? How could any of us, totally imperfect people, do anything which even remotely compares to Christs' sacrifice?

Hmmmm. I'm just in awe...in awe that Christ did that for you and me!
Jenn

Fun, fun, fun...

2008-03-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

those are the 3 words that Emily Yan now uses to describe her gymnastics class! She loves it! "My Gym" is a gym for little kiddos that has branches nationwide. They are also affiliated with "Changellenged America", who helps individuals with disabilities. We are working with them to get a scholarship so that Yan can attend weekly classes. She was all smiles going into her second class today. She kept laughing so hard while on the trampoline that she would fall...she just cracks herself up! Here are some pics from class and from earlier in the (beautiful, springy) day!

Jenn

Remembering

2008-02-28T14:08:00.001-08:00

Okay, this may not be my normal kind of post...but I thought I would share some memories. Today Yan and I went to Target and ended up stopping at the little eating area there to have lunch. I happened to see an old friend and we talked for a while and were reminiscing about our young, college days.

Just as my friend left and older gentleman came and sat at the table next to us. He ordered a cup of "Starbucks" (but later informed me that he always just has regular coffee with a little cream and a little sugar-none of those crazy flavors) and sat there waiting on his wife. I spoke to him and just smiled. Tears welled up in my eyes, because I could just picture my dad escaping from a shopping trip to sneak out and get a cup of coffee. Oh what I would give to share a cup of coffee with dad and mom again.

Sometimes it seems so wrong to be crying because I miss them still-but it still hurts. I know I can go on-but with each new chapter in my life, I still grieve; as I would love to share it with them. I would love for them to see their granddaughter. I would love for her to have the privledge of being spoiled by a grandma and grandpa. I would love to just talk to them and hear their voices, or get a great big hug. I would love to hear the title "daughter" again.

I can rejoice because they are in a better place. With each sunset I see I think about them. For me a sunset is glorious-but I can't imagine the glory that they must witness on a daily basis. Regardless, they are still missed and loved!

I'm posting a couple pics of Yan at the cemetary in Indiana, visiting their gravesite for the first time. Love you mom and dad! Jenn

A Heart Toward Jesus!

2008-02-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

One of my greatest prayers for Yan is that she would come to know the Lord with all her heart. I have no idea what her mental capacity is, what theology she will understand and whether or not she will grasp all the concepts that others spend lifetimes trying to understand. But I do believe she, like any of us, can feel and accept God's grace, love and forgiveness. Who knows? Perhaps a simple acceptance of love is what we could all use.

Lately I've been noticing little signs that she is grasping some of what I've been teaching her about Jesus. She suddenly has a keen fascination with prayer. She is trying to say words and little phrases in the prayers. I've been trying to say my prayers throughout the day (when we see someone hurt, ambulances, fire trucks, those in need) outloud, so that she understands that we can pray about anything. She wants to pray more.

Tonight, as I was sorting and organizing toys (for a huge consignment sale next week) she found a little yellow duck that "prays". He quotes some of "Now I lay me down to sleep...". She was so excited and probably played it 20+times. Each time she would push his tummy, bow her head, fold her hands and try to repeat some of it. Then at the end, after "Amen" she would say her new favorite phrase "Good job".

I told her that Jesus loves to hear her pray. Then she motioned for me to come and sing "The B-I-B-L-E". I just think it's very cool that she is linking these things together. "The BIBLE" song doesn't have the name Jesus in it-but she made that connection.

She has such a sweet heart and spirit and genuine love...I just pray that this is a desire for Christ that will grow as she does. Jenn

Some Oldies but Goodies!

2008-02-11T21:47:00.000-08:00

I'm working on my photography and editing skills a bit...so I'm going through some old pictures that are my favorites to see how I can improve them. I picked a couple to work on tonight. One was of Yan in the bathtub, getting her hair washed, just a few months after coming home. (She looks so small!)

The next one was taken while Yan was running in the backyard, in her dress-up clothes, chasing her friend Caitlyn, who was driving her jeep. Ahhhh the memories. I could look at pics all night, but alas, I need to go to sleep! Enjoy!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

2008-02-10T14:11:00.001-08:00

We had a great day today! We went to the Dorris' home to celebrate Chinese New Year!! We had such a fun time. Yan loved all the rice and noodles and of course her favorite friend, Mr. Charles. She loves it when he carries her around. I snapped a great shot of Charles, Yan and Zola together-so cute!!!

Yan was able to wear an outfit that her foster family gave her last year for her birthday. It was perfect! It was adorned in butterflies, which Yan-Yan loves!! The minute she put it on she had to get up and twirl for me. She is such a little blessing!

Jenn

We survived...

2008-02-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

the horrible storms and tornados that hit Tennessee last night! Praise God! It was a bad night, weather wise. We ended up losing power for a while (which Yan did not like) and huddled in the hallway together as the worst of it went through. The noise was unbelievable and I thought that something was going to rip the roof apart. But after it was done I went outside and found nickel sized hail all over. Yan and I had fun looking at it. We are praying for those that did not fair so well.

For pics today, I'm posting another pic when we were on our way to a Christmas party. I'm looking forward to nicer, warmer weather when we can get outside and play. Oh...we did see a rainbow today, and that was beautiful!

Jenn

Birthday Pics!

2008-02-05T14:51:00.000-08:00

I thought I would post a few pics from Yan's actual 7th birthday. We are waiting until the weather warms up a little for a fun party with her friends. Our house is not too big and I think it would be nice if we could play outside during the party (at least for a while). It will, of course, be "Barney" themed...complete with a Barney cake and a dinosaur egg hunt!

On Yan's actual birthday we just spent the day together, and Yan went to see her favorite orthodontist, Dr. Mark. She enjoyed holding up 7 fingers to let everyone know how old she was! :-) Big Girl!!!

She also received a very special package in the mail from her foster family in Hong Kong. They sent her a new Chinese outfit and an electic guitar with a working microphone headset! She enjoys jamming on her guitar and singing! We are both so grateful for her wonderful foster family that she was given!

My gifts to her were some new "Signing Times" and a four foot slide that is now sitting in the middle of our living room. Though it may not add to the decor, it does wonders for getting out wiggles and energy in the middle of the winter! Love it!

Jenn

Catching up on Yan Yan news

2008-02-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

I'm attempting to catch up on the latest Yan Yan news! Let me just say, she is one BUSY girl! I kind of thought we skipped a few of those "exploring" stages, but apparently she was just saving them up for me.

For a while, Yan would wake up a little earlier than me and just play nicely. Well, those days have passed. I must get up when she does, because she's no longer going to sit down and read a book. Over the holidays she did the following:

-Got up and found that I had left some glitter in a bag from a recent craft project. She "decorated" the house with it from living room to bedroom. She was so proud because it was "Pretty"! :-)

-Got ahold of the dishwashing detergent and covered the kitchen floor...apparently in an attempt to help mommy "Clean"!

-Keeps putting the remotes, refrigerator magnets and kleenex boxes in the fridge; especially the crisper. The remote has now been missing again for 2 days...and I cannot find it anywhere!

-The final "UH-OH"...one morning Yan had just woken up and I was drifting in and out of sleep. Something told me to get up immediately. I ran to the living room to find my creative daughter with 18 eggs (not hard boiled-just eggs from the fridge) spread out on the couch. She was playing with them. There must have been an "Egg Angel" because not one of them broke. When I saw her I just froze...didn't want to yell, scare her, or anything because she usually crushes them in her hands when she's trying to help me cook. I have laughed about it every day since then...she keeps me on my toes!

I'll post a couple of Christmas pics! Later! Jenn

My new HOBBY!!!

2008-02-03T18:17:00.000-08:00

I have a fun and fabulous new hobby...EXTREME COUPONING!!!! It is a blast! I joined a free site called "Hot Coupon World" (hotcouponworld.com) and I'm totally hooked. The women (and a few men) on this site show you how to combine coupons with advertised specials, rebate and rewards programs to get your groceries, toiletries, items for free or next to free. They encourage you to build a stockpile of items, so that you can wait for the next sale. It is one more step to be a little more financially sound.

My favorite new store-CVS!!! The Extra Care bucks program is amazing! Here are a couple of my purchases and amounts from the last week:

This one cost me $18.00 out of pocket, but then I got $26.00 back in credits and rebates...so essentially they paid me $8.00 to take all these items! :-)

The next one is from today. I ended up paying $7.00 for all of it, but ended up with $23.37 back in rewards...so they paid me around $16.00 to take all of it.

It does take some focus and learning and a few trips to the store, but it is well worth it! You should check it out!

Jenn